Tag: decision

My Mental Health Journey 5

“You seem happier!”

Someone just texted me that.

It’s crazy how fast words hit my eyes, then my heart, head, and soul at the same time.

Inspiration is so refreshing.

Anyway, what these three words said to me is

” You’re validated.”

” You’re hard work is paying off.”

” You are improving, what you’re doing is working.”

It’s encouraging to hear from another that they see what I’ve been working so hard to achieve.

It’s not about acceptance from anyone else, but that my efforts are evident and I can proudly smile in self validation.

….

I am happier. It’s true.

In my writing, I’m able to expose my ugliness and feel heard.

That, alone, is freeing.

You’re my therapy sessions lol, except I’m not paying a fortune, and limited to two hours.

….

I’m happier because of this job opportunity.

There’s more to that than what’s on the surface.

Ten years ago, I was a married closeted Bisexual, living in low income and ghetto housing, miserable, lost, and unhappy.

I had little confidence & very little pride in myself.

That year, I graduated with a 4.0 and a teaching license.

It was the being of my self discovery.

This job opportunity is the first one that I’m excited to start.

This is the first one that I feel confident to do, and to do well.

This is the most motivated and eager I’ve felt about a job ” EVER”!

MAYBE it’s because this job is career material, incredible in so many ways.

…..

I’m happier because I’m working on my emotions.

Being INFJ & HSP, AND EMPATH is exhausting.

There’s only a few of you who can possibly understand what I’m saying.

But, what I’m doing, and I just went through this process this morning, is being mindful and intentional about what I feel.

I was feeling so down this morning. I felt a certain way about an individual, and I didn’t like it.

Instead of sorting through why I felt as I did, I slipped insecurity through my fingers via text.

Then, I remembered I didn’t have to feel yucky. I realized I could identify what I do feel, remove the foggy lense, and feel ok.

…..

I’m happier because I feel some sense of purpose.

Making time to care for these free little libraries has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I’m able to demonstrate kindness to my daughter’s.

I’m able to use my time for a greater good.

I able to get outside, and invest into the future of generations to come.

This allows me to give to the community and not have to deal with coworkers and deadlines lol.

This also provides a place where I can place necessities for those who may need it.

…..

It feels good to feel this sense of self acceptance and identity.

It really does!

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Personal Self-Reflection Questions

Questions Taken from Jeanine Nicole’s page:

Self-Discovery Journalling Prompts

1. What three words describe me best?

2. What are the important things in my life?

3. What values are important to me?

4. What does my ideal life look like?

5. What is my biggest regret?

6. What are my favourite memories?

7. What makes those memories so good?

8. What is holding me back I life right now?

9. What is my biggest strength?

10. What allowed me to reach this far in life?

11. What makes a life good?

12. Am I happy with my life?

13. What do I admire about myself?

14. When am I most happy?

15. Do I like the person that I am today?

16. What is my best quality?

17. What is my biggest weakness? How do I make up for it?

18. What is my love language?

19. What is my communication style?

20. What is my passion in life?

21. How happy am I?

22. What is my purpose on this earth?

23. What am I most grateful for?

24. What do I want to improve about myself?

25. What are the most impactful events that have happened to me thus far?

26. What are the three most valuable life lessons that you’ve learned?

27. Where will I be in 10 years?

28. What am I most looking forward to in the next 5 years?

29. What could I give a presentation in with no preparation?

30. What do I lack confidence in?

31. What do I judge myself about?

32. What is my personal definition of success?

33. How successful am I in life?

34. What is on my bucket list?

35. When do I feel most comfortable?

36. What makes me uncomfortable?

37. What stresses me out the most?

38. How do I deal with stress?

39. What drains my energy?

40. What gives me life?

41. Where do I feel most at home?

42. What are 4 fundamental beliefs that I have about life?

43. What are 3 limiting beliefs that I have about myself?

44. What are 5 empowering beliefs about myself?

Protected: My Dear Love

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Never too late to start financial improvements:)

The Pinterest photo didn’t take me to a link. Here’s a few I visited from the list above though.

01/03/19

#3. Your day in ten words.

Blessed, Thursday, Cleveland, Midnight, Early, January, Enriched, Calm, Quite, Peaceful

It’s early here (12:02 am), so those of you East of the US, how’s your day going?

Later on, I’d love to hear from my mid-West American readers!

#commentbelow 10 words to describe your day

Namastè

Good Morning Y’all. My brain is going a mile a minute, despite my lack of coffee intake. That’s very unusual, but, that’s the perfect adjective to describe my life right now.

It’s Thursday, a cold 25 degrees. I already miss summer. We’re up, getting my older daughter ready for school. She’s not entirely recovered from her head cold, but she’s feeling better. Calandra is doin ok. She’s mommy’s little sweet pea cuddle bug.

I’m alright, I suppose. One day at a time, working through the intensity of my emotions. Are there any other HSP’s or INFJs in the nearby blogosphere? If you know of someone, please introduce him/her to me. Anyway, back to these emotions. What I don’t understand makes me frustrated… When I get frustrated, I cry. Sometimes, I don’t believe it’s because of what initially happened, but some other aspect of the situation. For example, I’m not sad that my ex and I are not together, but how it happened has me really shook up.

Since I don’t go out much, I socialize on apps. This one has been my favorite by far. I can’t imagine my life without writing. Of course I don’t feel I’m a big deal, or that I even write exceptionally well. I do feel writing is an outlet for me to convey my thoughts. It’s a platform (that’s the word I was trying to find the other day! Facepalm) to release and create. The possibilities are endless, and my thoughts are on paper. I can create a short story about a love I wish happened to me.. or an ending I feel better suited for my ex. It’s my writing, and I may write as I please. There’s so much freedom in that.

Ok, well you all have a fantastic Thursday. The weekend is almost here. Keep warm if you’re in that part of the globe. Keep an eye out for future posts.

Heart for Humanity

Since she was a little girl, she has had a heart for the well-being of others. Her church has organized a missionary trip to Guatemala, and she jumped at the chance to go. She wanted to broaden her horizon of the third world countries, and better understand the worlds outside her own. Through her international studies in college, God’s took her to Uganda and Tanzania. The eye opening experiences were equally humbling and heartbreaking.

Check out Your Daily Word Prompt Here:D

Walking

Credit attached

I’m in a new season of life. I don’t feel strong; I don’t feel emotionally capable of sounding ok or writing about all the positivity I have been. The very idea of positivity sounds patronizing to me right now…. But I’m just hurting…. And with hurt comes grief and anger.

What’s going on?

I’m walking… In an opposite direction, alone. I don’t want to, and I don’t know how long I’ll feel this way. I do know that the road feels bleek. The ugliest shades of winter and gray, overcast and cold. Sounds so depressing just to think about. I hope along the way, a front porch light turns on, and a friend will welcome me in. That won’t erase my reality, but it will brighten it.

Walking away is difficult, or everyone would be doing it… Ha, then we’d all look like the apocalypse with aimless wonderers contesting normality and questioning sanity. If that were the case, at least we’d keep each other out from traffic.

I’m walking in the opposite direction, because I’m not happy. I’m walking in the opposite direction because change won’t come unless I make it. I’m walking in the opposite direction in hopes that my message is loud and clear, even if I’m not certain what that is, or if there’s one or multiple.

I am intelligent. I know patterns define the character of a person. I know that I feel heavy, with sadness, rage, confusion, and a million questions. How could I expect myself to walk any road with all of that? Why would I? What’s the point? Life wasn’t made to be lived in such a condition.

Truths are staring me in the face, and they’re painful. It’s a part of life we all expierence, some of us on multiple occasions. I’ve read that pain doesn’t stop until you learn the lesson. That makes sense. The lessons right now are pivotal to my happiness. The truths in what I’m expierencing are evident to me, and quite possibly only me. It’s up to me to stop the insanity… So I changed directions and started walking.

Preference or Absence

Absence makes the heart grow fonder …. or does it? Is it the absence of another individual that strengthens love, with time? Or is it the choice to love from both individuals that sustains through distance and time?

When others die, they don’t return. Does this make our hearts less fond of him/her? Or is it the choice to hold on to the love and let go of the pain?

Absence may indeed make the heart grow fonder, but I believe it’s a deliberate choice to love that sustains the relationship. When someone truly understands what love is…. And what it feels like, … I don’t think someone would allow anything to interfer.

… Or maybe I’m just a woman, insanely in love…

#bloomwhereyouareplanted

I’m so thankful to live this life, open-hearted to “the possible”… With faith bigger than fear, and my eyes focused on truths. So much could destroy me… Bitter my heart, send me down a dark rabbit hole… I Know that my ONLY limitation is myself… And I’m entirely too curious and stubborn to get in my own damn way!

#blessed #youpeoplearefabulous #choices #mylife #makingadifference #bloomwhereyouareplanted

This vs That

You know what I love about theory? It can be proven to be truth, by some tangible evidence. Likewise, it can be debunked by tangible evidence.

Trial and error produces results that either support or debunk a theory. In the case of spirituality, though truth relies on personal beliefs for the majority, the same CAN still happen.

Let’s say a trial is set up to determine whether or not a concoshtion of drugs can cure Hodgkinson lymphoma. Through studies, researchers have reported this cancer ills middle-aged African Americans more so than other group. Coincidently, spiritual beliefs also reign strong in the African American Society.

The two possible outcomes of the trial are

  1. The cancer is gone.
  2. The cancer is still present.

Science, evidence of tangible blood tests, provides some answers as to a cure. Now, what about faith… and spirituality?

The cancer is a condition that enters the Petri dish called prayer. The testing machines are belief, faith, and obedience. For the individuals who live deep in faith, the power of a Greater Being has provided tangible evidence.

Through prayer and praise, rebuke of the Devil, and other spiritual practices, the two results are:

  1. The cancer is gone.
  2. The cancer is still present.

In the Biblical day’s, Jesus rose from the dead. He turned water into wine (one of my MOST appreciated gratitudes;), and cured a woman from Leprosy. Those are tangible results. To the followers of Jesus, that’s the belief that God’s able and capable.. despite the unseen. In modern day, tangible evidence could be a crippled standing up and walking back to his/her seat.

In both scenarios, the theory was born through a belief in possibility. By testing a theory, the results showedq either successful or unsuccessful. Based on the tangible results, each scenario will tweak the procedure and try again. Should there be no other possibility (probability), the testing has been completed.

Evidence is a result of theory… an idea that took on life because one person believed it.

Neither was proven more valid than the other. Neither was proven better than the other.

Both were proven to be systems that produced results based on belief.

What you choose to believe is your life. All that’s happening around you is a system of particles swirling to and fro, appearing in the formation of recognizable objects. What truth is in it? What theory are you testing? Are you testing the theories you belief? Do you even know what you belief? Are you seeing the results that you desire? Are you opened to the possibility of alternative results? Are you willing to tweak and try again?

Something to think about 🧡

GDJ-1086657 : Featured image credit

Lettrs: Hoorah

Gretchen is like so many others, above and beyond what’s asked of her, selflessly giving, dedicated worker, loyal to work and family. She managed, though, to trip into some sticky situations with a monster of a spouse, and a greedy employer.

We’ve been in situations that have been sticky, haven’t we? Our choices have gotten us in a bit of a mess, but hindsight is 20/20. Her instance was rather serious. She needed to act fast, and finally put herself first… To protect her life! Are you in that position? Are you holding on to something that’s destroying you, your happiness, and your family? What will it take for you to let go of it, despite your unhealthy reliance and fear of the detachment? I would hope you’d look in the mirror and give yourself the awesome peptalk you deserve.

Adventure awaits, a new and prosperous life awaits, real love awaits, positive friendships and healthy connections await, a better you awaits, all that you’ve dreamed of awaits… You just have to take courage and stepped out the door.

A Beginner at an Ending

Right now, I’m watching a Netflix Original Series , “The L Word”.

In this particular segment, Jenny, a compulsive and inspiring author, is meeting with an editor. She’s been diligently writing from the moment her character was introduced in Season 1.

Her script has finally landed in the hands of a publisher, who’s desire is to put her story out “there”. Jenny’s in tears; she celebrates out loud… In the very moment she opens the envelope of her first advancement.

The plot twist: Jenny’s story is dark. As her words formulated on paper, she relived every single haunting detail of childhood. Unfortunately, this munipulated her mind and lead her to self destruct.

The editor argues Jenny’s portraying herself as a victim, who’s encouraging young girls to cut themselves to handle the agnony.

To Jenny, as her life spins undeniably and profusely out of control, this choice… is a moment, when she feels some control of it.

The editor proclaims that despite her adversity, Jenny is here. She’s survived. Her strength has brought her to this meeting, where Jenny’s sitting with an editor, discussing a nightmare that happens to be her life.

Our lives are a tangled mix of victories and mistakes. We are individuals that have faced life that appeared completely uphill… and we doubted everything we ever thought to be true. We’ve seen questionable behavior. We’ve heard gut wrenching confessions. We’ve testified that no one else could possibly understand what “this is like!!”…

Haven’t we?….

We’ve felt like we’ve lost it… that we aren’t making sense, and that our sanity has abandoned us. We’ve felt this universe, or God has officially acted on some conspiring vendetta against us… and that for unbeknownst reasons, we MUST deserve it… where the ONLY thing that seems to make sense… and the only person that understands is the lie “pick up that razor blade”, ” go buy another 24 pack”, “you know where to find heroin.”, or ” You are just a pathetic nobody that fails at everything.”

Our hearts are strong enough to accept what’s happened to us. Professionals, religious affiliates, nature, and even children can help… do help. WILL HELP.

Our CHOICE to begin the process is how we change though. No one can force us to believe it’s possible. No one should ever hold that responsibility for our life.

Jenny survives so much ugliness, and the editor is pushing her to see it… But, it’s Jenny’s life… and it’s her perspective. When the final day ends, does she want to be seen as a victim… carrying around her past, avoiding all roads that lead to hope and transformation? Or will she choose to withdrawal the shades, push open the windows, and allow the wind to dust off the cobwebs?

You get to decide.

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

Woman survives cancer, not once, but twice.

Teacher shields her students in a school attack.

Child decides to raise money for a parent’s bill.

Man pushes himself to regain independency.

Young man assists an elderly across the street.

An employee encourages a special needs customer to help.

Volunteering with disaster relief

Donating blood.

Registering as an organ donor.

Praying

Hugging

Listening.

There’s angels that walk this earth…

That blend in with all of us…

They don’t wear capes.

They’re deciding to be kind.

They’re demonstrating how to lead.

They’re dedicating time to others.

Not all heroes wear capes,

Many of them, though they feel “ordinary”,

Made a decision,…

……………

………….

……….

……

That was extraordinary.

In that moment … They became a hero.

Suicide Awareness Month #3

striking facts:

▪ Five million Americans have attempted suicide. Every seventeen minutes, one of them succeeds.

▪ Three and a half million Americans are survivors of a loved one’s suicide. Most of them have been left with a sense of guilt and deep grief.

▪ Between 1999 and 2010, the suicide rate in this country rose over 30%.

▪ Between 1952 and 1995, the suicide rate of young people (ages 15-24) tripled.

▪ Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students.

▪ There are more deaths annually of young people by suicide than automobile fatalities.

▪ Fifteen percent of clinically depressed people commit suicide.

▪ Ten percent of suicide attempts made without a gun are successful.

▪ Ninety percent of suicide attempts made with a gun are successful.

▪ There has been a 128% increase in suicides among children aged 10-14 since 1980.

▪ One in twelve high school students has attempted suicide.

▪ More young people die from suicide than cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, strokes, pneumonia, and lung disease combined.

▪ Eighty percent of successful suicides have given clear warnings of their intentions to others prior to taking their lives.

▪ Teen boys commit suicide at a rate 4 times greater than girls.

▪ Divorced men commit suicide at a rate 10 times greater than divorced women.

▪ Baby boomers have a higher rate of suicide than any other age group.

▪ One out of three successful suicides has made at least one previous attempt.

▪ An attempt made within one year of an unsuccessful attempt is 100 times more likely to be successful than a first attempt.

Stats taken from pin.it/2bsnocob4xetzf

10 of the best mental health apps for 2018

Life happens! When it does, these apps are here to assist us in regaining control of our thoughts, breathing, confidence, and self esteem. These handy apps are here if we’re looking for a peaceful little away scape, place to throw up some thoughts, and talk with a professional about a situation. At any moment, I hope any of these apps help you find your peace once again.

Whether you’re going through a rough patch, experiencing depression, anxiety, or stress, or having relationship issues, there is an app to help.
— Read on www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320557.php

Spread Kindness against Bullying

  1. News Coverage of Jamel’s Story
  2. Donations Page

Disagreement Thereafter

Find Me on Lettrs PO#435120

She looked at him. He looked at her. Their eyes spoke of places they’ve vacationed, laughs they’ve had, and challenges they’ve triumphed. With a smile, subtle but genuine, she mumbled, “Your hand I will always take. Your heart I will always trust. Your love I will always call home. No matter what disagreement may come. I will always stay in this world of “me & you”… it’s the only place that makes sense. It’s the only place where I am whole.” He kissed her forehead, and the love birds strolled down the beach, hand in hand,.. on that perfect summer evening.

The Circle Ends

So why do I say we’ve seemingly forgotten the concept of give and take?

Because humans decide to do what’s best for him/herself.

Because humans decide to be selfish and speak/act in such a way that suits his/her needs.

Now, read that correctly. I said humans.. not “all” humans.

SO HERE’s the catch:

Some humans mistreat others.

Some humans demonstrate ungratefulness and unkindness, violence, and self destruction.

Some humans speak with arrogance and ignorance.

And yet, they

Complain when they’re taken for granted, backstabbed, abused.

Wear the frown in their “dark and grey” world.

Are confronted with friction from others, difficulty when needing help, and unforeseen misfortune.

Possibly have bad health. God Forbid, May pass away too soon.

What we get is what we deserve. What we give is what will come back to us. Science, Religion, Evolution… every approach tells us this same thing. Our thoughts are real the moment they leave our lips. Our thoughts take life the moment we act on them. In these moments, our thoughts are OUR reality… (hence why reality is seen differently from one person to the next… and each one is correct) … and our reality becomes our life. It’s a choice… what you think… what you give… and in return… a gift or equally a consequence. The choice is ours.

We should GIVE what we deserve because it’s wholesome and good… and others deserve it too. In turn, we’re all looking out for each other… thus the cycle of our species remains fruitful and strong.

The Endless Circle

Plants bloom and wilt. Babies are born, and people die. Structures go up, and buildings are torn down. The cycles in life seem to be continuous. In some instances, unfortunately, the cycle stops. Species of animals and plants become extinct.

Imagine how these cycles would look if each participated with his/her own best interest at heart. How different would this world be if honey bees just decided not to pollinate. How ugly would this planet look if trees and grass, flowers, and water didn’t work together and provide for one another? What if the sun just stopped turning, and we were stuck in mid-darkness!

The concept of give and take for the balance of a greater good can also be found in scripture.

Proverbs 11:18; “A wicked person earns deceptive wages,but the one who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward.”

2 Corinthians 9:6; “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.”

Luke 8:4-18; “And when a great crowd was gathering and people from town after town came to him, he said in a parable: “A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell along the path and was trampled underfoot, and the birds of the air devoured it. And some fell on the rock, and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up with it and choked it. And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold.” As he said these things, he called out, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

All these examples teach one very important lesson, and it’s this concept humans have seemingly forgotten.

What you: exert, reap, and give to this world.

You will: gain, sow, and be given from this world.

Why do I say, we must have forgotten such a virtue? This thought continues in the next blog.

Day Ten

Prompt: Finish this sentence: Life is too short to…

Skip Dessert!

I’m a huge fan of donuts, muffins, chocolate, ice cream, …. well, MOST desserts🍦🍰🍪🍩🍫🍡🍰🥧! Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy fresh fruits, veggies, and good saturated fats, too. Desserts are just the “treat” that sweetens life. If I had to choose my top favorite, I’d say I’d pick:

Raspberry Chocolate Cheesecake! Yummy!!

A Heart that Listens

Imagine for a moment,

A single moment in time,

When all the distractions

And nonsense noise,

Spontaneously stopped,

Even the birds are silent.

Imagine that atmosphere,

We see and nothing said,

All that’s been muffled

Has now taken on this life.

Would we notice that lady crying,

Would we help the man in pain,

How much more could we do

How much more we would gain.

We would see the elderly struggling,

We would see her sudden change

We would watch his self distraction,

And just maybe offer a hand to hold.

Maybe We’d hug fellow strangers,

Maybe We’d smile to say hello.

Children could play in safety again

Relationships could heal and grow.

If the noise fades away, and we really

open our eyes,

We’d really hear our world because we’d

listen with Our hearts❤️

Day Four

Prompt: What would you include in a truly epic gift basket?

Epic? Gift means give to someone. Hmmmm… I would say, then, this depends on to whom it’s going.

Continue reading “Day Four”

7 Things Highly Sensitive People Should Do For Their Mental Health

Highly Sensitive is a newer genre of people. LoL, so special in his/her own way. If you’re not familiar with what I mean, here is an incredible pdf, full of information.

I know I’m constantly feeling overwhelmed with life. Self care is something I must practice. It’s no optional for me. Here’s a few helpful ideas if you’re feeling a need to too much.

Providing a fresh spin on news, entertainment, fashion, beauty, lifestyle, books, and any and all subjects that concern women. Bustle is an online community delivering original content that’s smart, shareable, and, most importantly, fun.
— Read on www.bustle.com/p/7-things-highly-sensitive-people-should-do-for-their-mental-health-8688369

#8. Incense

As I was growing up, my sinuses never bothered me. Saline solution is a simple combination of salt and water. My tears handled the cleansing my face needed.

When I became a Sophomore in college, the tears weren’t as often…. because I became a bit more rebellious. One particular day, I was doing a pose in my yoga class. I had my left hand flat on the floor, tucked behind my left ankle. My right hand was completely horizontal with my left, and I was facing the ceiling. Out of no where, my temperature jumped super high and the room started spinning. It was the craziest feeling ever. I was freaking out.

After many years, I learned is it a condition called vertigo. There’s different types, and some can be corrected with surgery. I fortunately simply take prescribed Meclizine, and I’m feeling steady on my feet again.

Because of this sensitivity, I had to quit burning most candles. This really made me upset, because candles were one of my favorite parts of my self-care plan. I had them lit while in a hot bubble bath, in the evening while watching tv. They were my opened door to spiritual healing.

It wasn’t until three years ago, a decade later, that I discovered incense. A guy I knew had it burning at his house, and it wasn’t inflamming my sinuses!! I actually realized I preferred it over candles.

I’ve been an addicted fool ever since!

My favorite scents are by Essential Essences!!!

  1. 💕 Love
  2. 💕Rain Goddess
  3. 💕Tibetan Musk
  • This Picture

    I had lost thirteen pounds in two weeks. I was rudely awakened by the general consensus regarding others and my need to talk (they didn’t hear me!). I was isolated from a support system, most friends, professional help, and usually the general public. My anxiety astronomically skyrocketed because there was too much unknown. Not only that but there was absolutely NO consistency! I had terrible stomach pains, didn’t sleep much, drank entirely too much coffee…. and made myself feel crazy while “waiting”. The one ray of hope I THOUGHT I had, …. turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing. This was the life I had chosen for myself, a life most would’ve abandoned way sooner.

    I’m not in that particular “time” any longer, though the aftermath lingers. Being single feels super lonely. I just invested 14 months submitting to a dominant… Now, if you’re not familiar with this lifestyle, please Google it. Needless to say, the submission is completely voluntary because in return, her needs (both in and outside the bedroom) are met. That’s how it’s “suppose” to happen.

    Being single means alone… Sleeping, out to eat, nights, weekends, Netflix and Chill, every minute. Sure it’s healthy to be content with being alone. It’s necessary for such time, as well. Trust me, I understand that. There were too many instances over this time when I felt I should’ve had my boyfriend and I didn’t. He wasn’t there to hold me when I didn’t feel good. He wasn’t there to give me a hug when life felt too overwhelming. He wasn’t there to talk and work out our confrontations. He just wasn’t present.

    With all of that being said, this was and is the man who’s had the greatest place in my heart. I looked for hope with us. I looked for change, for improvement. I felt that if I saw growth, we were headed in the right direction.

    What direction was that?… And this is the error in this whole mess… The direction towards future tense picture of us. He and I were always talking about what we can do now to get to where we want to be. Now, that sounds like what a serious couple should be doing right? That’s something most couples do, and it should be a good sign… But, here’s the problem… Our current life wasn’t how we wanted it, so our goals were rather short term… We were working on this together… Hell, I thought we were even good as to being on the same page! This picture of us was constantly front and center! It’s how we always did it.

    The beginning of this year, all that I knew life to be for him and I stopped… Abruptly…

    And I wasn’t ready.

    Continue reading “This Picture”

    You are worthy of Love💗

    https://bustle.app.link/8XQV11cnDN A New Report Shows How Much The Rate Of Death By Suicide Has Risen In The U.S.

    Every…

    Single…

    Time…

    This unfortunate, gruesome, heart-throbbing, and instantaneously devastating event occurs: my heart breaks. I have the dark black massive scary monsterous cloud shadow me..

    I’ve been in a position in life, with suicidal tendencies. I chose to LIVE!

    For countless others, living didn’t seem worth it. 💔 SINCE the day I began my life, (years after birth, but too private and painful to elaborate on.) I’ve met many people who have attempted it… And failed. They were men…

    In 2014, just barely a shy of a week post my birthday, suicide killed apart of me.. Taking a man who I needed, but more importantly, OUR daughter needed.

    To blame in this situation is pointless, but oh there’s lots of that. It’s easier, focusing on the anger that takes place in the grieving stages. What’s REALLY the root of our anger though? Their “selfishness”? Our “selfishness” because we no longer have them and our lives are no longer comfortable? Their lack of “effort to seek help”? Our “lack of effort” in giving our time to listen and enjoy them? I don’t think there’s ever one reason… And really, none of them will change what’s happened.

    At my husband’s funeral, I was in a trance. My eyes hurt, my anxiety was off the charts… and what did I have? A toddler, a dead husband, and a hate fan club with 1500 members and growing. Blaming me for his death, many who knew my husband judged me. It felt horrific. I needed loved. I needed empathy. I needed to feel I was going to be ok.

    I had to recover on my own. No one could do it for me, no matter what was or wasn’t said unsaid did or not done. It was MY life… my mental health. I was a mother. She needed to see life was still ok. She needed her childhood, her innocence.

    Depression and anxiety, loss and grief, pain and emotions are almost forbidden in “most” men at a very early age. It’s not manly to cry.. it’s a sign of weakness. The military trains the mind to break, and rebuild with a sense of inhumanity…. War… PTSD Veterans come home and try their damndest to return to normality. And they struggle… and struggle… some with homelessness… and hunger… and no financial stability… with flashbacks that rob them of sleep… and anxiety attacks that mutilate their sense of peace…

    Single men have no health insurance, many with child support bills, and jobs that don’t pay shit. That’s reality for some men in America… that’s terrible!

    The statistics in this article aren’t shocking if we sit and think about the set up of this country. They’re not shocking if we sit and consider every mass shooting in our lifetime. Mental health is a serious issue in this country. Duh, we see it (if we choose too)…

    Writing up articles are bringing the little voices in our hearts to front and center, ruffling feathers of comfort for those who look the other way….

    BUT, …. what does it solve? Is that not the goal, to bring awareness and take action? The Dr in this particular article was spot on. I admired his blunt honesty. He said empathize! He said we need to communicate with each other and listen to what’s being said. Sometimes, individuals just want to know they’re not invisible, left with a mountain of shit on their backs to carry for all of eternity.

    It’s time my friends, to make change to our world. We’re killing each other and we’re killing ourselves. We’re killing innocent children, who rely on us for protection. We’re killing the hope in humanity, and the beauty of living. It’s time for you and me to stop that … to decide today, that we’re not going to contribute any longer to the insanity whirlwind that’s taken so many of our loved ones. It’s time we choose to Love again!! Open your heart to someone… break the chains weighing you down by entrusting someone with your burdens… because I can promise you, you won’t be a burden to them. And to others, Open your heart to listen… and to hug someone. They NEED human contact! They’re carrying around too much… you just may save their life!!

     

    I have a blog, entitled Lost & Found, Written precisely about this subject. It’s carrying my heart of when my husband died. I hope all I’ve written helps you… and that

    EACH of YOU know I’m here…. if you need someone to talk to.

     

    With Much Much Love,

    Brandy

    “Live Your Dreams”- Reflection

     

     

    Live your Dreams!

     

    What dreams do I have? Have I ever really thought about this? No, I don’t think often, if much at all. Sure, I’ve made goals… but, are those dreams? They’ve been short-term. New Years resolutions is probably a more accurate description. The long-term goals, any of those? Not many of those until recently, as a matter of fact. Is this sad? I don’t know. So, I guess I don’t quite understand the feeling of “living my dream”.

    I do know I hadn’t been raised with such a virtue. Often times, I thought about life after “The Merryman House”… and gasped at how utterly fucked-up and irresponsibility unprepared I was going to be. There were many concepts and nightmares I know I didn’t want to continue. I knew I had a great deal of fear of failure… so much so that I simply didn’t try. Disappointing my parents, myself, and trying to breathe through the aftermath wasn’t my cup of tea… and that aura feasted on that house.

    So, what is it to “dream”, really? Is this the ideal life you’d want in a certain amount of time? Is it a career or position in a job you absolutely love? The perfect family? A big house with wrap-around porch, spiral staircase, country atmosphere, southern welcome, white picket fence aligned with gorgeous Hydrangea bushes, Daffodils, Azaleas, and moonlight blooms? Does one live rather than sit in hesitation, losing time, opportunities, and experiences?

    When you live your dreams, no one can tell you you’re wrong or right because they’re yours. As early in life as possible, you are allowed to decide what your dreams are, how you wish and/or if you wish to fulfill them. In my beliefs, the biggest importance, though, is to remain respectful of others. Our dreams are as differently beautiful as we are from one another. Who are we to ever criticize and condemn what one wishes for his/her life. Will life turn out as according to plan? Will we all stumble and fall? Will we fail and hurt our confidence? We sure will… but, aren’t we all worth a third, fourth, twenty-second try? Won’t we all be in a similar position at some point in time, if not we have been already.

    It’s never too early to begin dreaming, planning how you’d like your life to be. It’s never out of your reach, that life. You’re never unworthy of your heart’s desires. You’re also perfectly capable of achieving them. Along your journey, I hope to have encouraged you, to lift up another… because we simply can’t live without one another.

    Lost & Found

    Finish the Story:

    ” I felt lost but also didn’t want to be found.” she wrote in her journal. She, then, closed the book and looked up

    and glanced at the framed picture of herself, with Max, she had hung on the wall. Four years has passed since that horrific July night; but, Laura felt every minute of it as if it were just yesterday. What if she had paid a bit closer attention? What if she had picked up that call when he tried reaching her? What if she made a little more time being in the moments that she spent with her best friend. Would she have heard his pain? Would she have seen the truth in his eyes and behind his constant radiant smile?

    Continue reading “Lost & Found”