My Mental Health Journey 16

This comic strip is so relatable. This one, particularly, speaks about my life.

My heart’s so broken. That’s the risk I chose for loving with my whole heart. I knew that risk from the beginning. I accepted it.

Over the last two years and 4 months, little did I know how challenge… How strenuous life would be on my heart… And my mind, for that matter.

I woke up some days questioning my sanity. I woke up some days numb to everything. I cried for hours. I lost weight… More than normal.. From not eating.

This time period wasn’t all bad. There were some great moments, too. Moments of growth. Moments of change and forgiveness. Moments of ecstasy.

His surgery erased memories. His concussion erased so much of the previous 5 months, the months we worked so hard on to rebuild something… And move forward to something that felt good… Felt normal.

Now, like today, as it’s happened repeatedly before, he misinterpreted something I said, and crap hit the fan. It happened so fast… And he was so righteously ignorant to me. He spoke of my faults when clearly he was trying to justify his to himself… And knew they were Ugly. He knew they were wrong… The things he was saying, the decisions he was making.

These decisions were based off of these assumptions about me. He doesn’t remember nearly two years for his decisions to be fact based. That’s what hurt me the most. There’s no one who would have stood beside him and supported him as I have… No one. I can’t go into details, you’d never believe me anyway… But trust me, no one else would have.

Despite his lack of verbally communicating with me… And his lack of memories, he spoke to me as if I was some ignorant bitch. He spoke to me as if he knew my intentions, and what I thought about him. He spoke to me as if I was an enemy…

From his reactions to the conversation, he made changes to this job offer he extended me… One I never asked for. Because it’s within this argument he changed his offer, he knows it’s wrong that he did so… Though he says it’s because of his kids. Everyone was fine before. No one (but me of course but I’m the bitch) felt short changed with his time.

That’s the very issue we’ve always had. It’s the issue that started the war today. I get sick of his absence in my life and he finds a way to make it my fault. He didn’t remember how often this happened since 2017. He therefore couldn’t see how much I deserved to be tired of it… Which is the hurt I was expressing.

I’ve struggled with believing myself loveable since 2014 when my daughters father killed himself. I really took it personally, like I’m incapable of being loved… Or having a healthy relationship… Or accepting it… Or being in a relationship (or marriage) I actually want to fix and fight for… God knows I’ve struggled…

With him, I felt a sense of completion… A sense of direction. That life was finally moving up… And now I question everything… Because a man thought he could carelessly change this job offer as if he’s dangling it over my head… As if I deserve shit. As if I’m going to accept difficulty in my life. As if he’s doing me a favor.

The trust was broken when he allowed personal business to mix with professional… Because I’m not accepting anything from him, while forever waiting for him to suddenly change something again because he got pissy.

I’m just hurt and sad and broken and lost and this is where I am right now. It’s my story right now… And I just need moral and emotional support. I don’t need advice.. Trust me… I’m not asking to be fixed.

Namastè 🙏🏼

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Nova’s Wise Words Wednesdays

I know, I know… Day late & dollar short… But trust me, what I’ve got for you today is going to be worth it.

Here’s my dose of wisdom for you:

If you can’t be honest with yourself, count yourself a liar. Only you can choose your identity; and, if you’re choosing denial with the person in the mirror, you’re defying deceptive facade to the world.

NAMASTÈ

Looking Kinda Blue

Photo Credit Attached

I’m feeling so emotional, sensitive, and blue today 😦 I’m certain it’s a bad mix of little sleep, crappy weather, and not enough time with my boyfriend. In trying so hard not to be sad or whiny or pathetic or sensitive. I’m trying hard to keep facts front and center so I don’t irrationally make something from nothing. I’m trying hard to accept where I am and not let this ruin my day. Something created this, but it’s what it is and I’m trying to just “get through it.”

How’s everyone else doing today? Tomorrow’s Friday!… Anyone with weekend plans? Maybe some positivity would do us all some good.

In a comment, would you please share with me something you’re thankful for or that made you smile.

NAMASTÈ🙏🏼

Morning Short Story ☕️

” I think this hospital is trying to kill me!” Zelda whispered to Rhemy.

” What nonsense. They’re trying to keep you alive. What makes you say that?” Rhemy responded with confusion in her tone.

Zelda pointed to the coffee cup sitting on the tray, ” That coffee tastes like mud in a cup!”

” Zelda!! Don’t be drama…” Rhemy began as she raised the cup to her mouth for a sip.

” Oh my mother goose of Neverland, this is horrendous!!! ” she added, after projecting the mouthful across the room.

dragon drinking coffee

How is everyone this morning? Afternoon and Evening, depending on where you are? Did you enjoy my little short story introduction? Hahaha Coffee is just essential. It never ever should be anything but a top notch expierence.

Here’s a funny story, this morning, I was eagerly anticipating a great deal find on a blender, while searching Facebook marketplace 😂😂😂 A BLENDER!! When did I get old where kitchen appliances replaced actual fun stuff? Haha. This blender would make one badass iced coffee though, and everything about that is perfect!

So there’s that.

Who’s having coffee?

NAMASTÉ 🙏🏼

I’m Concerned: Please Read

There’s blogs that I visit more regularly that others. Not to say, each of you isn’t incredibly talented and haven’t attention worthy material, because that isn’t true.

I’ve noticed that The Alchemist’s Studio hasn’t been in my notifications. I also noticed that he’s not posted a blog update since the second to last Wednesday in May (two weeks now).

That feels “off” to me. Us “feelers” can understand why that’s alarming. If anyone has direct contact with our fellow blogger, wold you please reach out to him and make certain he’s ok?

I’m sure he would appreciate the kind gesture. I’m sure any of us would should we be “absent” for some time.

Namaste

Working on Us~ Beckie’s Mental Health Prompts: Week #1

What I LOVE about this idea is it’s our chance to express ourselves and our truths in a safe and supportive group. We are able to share without fear of judgements and condemnation. Thank you Beckie, for creating this safe haven. If you’d like to participate in the weekly Mental Health Prompt, you can find all the details with Ms. Beckie, here.

This image is her Prompt #2. I was intensely drawn to it.

The colors are bleak, overcasts of lingering dull clouds, with fruitless trees. The crows are swirling close by, reiterating the darkness and death like feel to the image. The trees are bare, cold, and naked, exposed. There’s prints in the snow, an aimless wonderer, with no sense of direction.

When I was experiencing the darkest of my mental illness, life felt everything like this image. I cared not for anything around me. I was alone, cold, and suffering, as if the world could see my labels. My ambition died. My excitement for life died. Crows swarmed my mind, waiting on the next kill… I wondered through days, with zero sense of purpose or intention. The overhead clouds were gravely thick, promising to stick around and make me miserable.

I felt trapped, lost, forbidden, forgotten, and alone.

NAMASTÈ 🙏🏼

Award Acceptance

I don’t do all the steps within the reward because of its length; however, I absolutely need to shout out some love to the following.

Beckie’s Mental Mess for nominating me for the Blogger Recognition Award

Two pieces of advice I’d give other bloggers is this:

  1. Don’t force yourself to write. If you feel a dry spell is happening, surround yourself with that which most inspires you.
  2. Support other bloggers with reading, likes, but mostly comments. By doing so, you gain a support system and accountability team. You also have valuable resources at your fingertips.

I also need to thank Carol at Therapy Bits for nominating me for the Blogger Recognition Award

Two additional pieces of advice I’d give new bloggers is the following:

  1. Blogging will take you through seasons, as does everything else in life, but don’t give up. The seasons will change, again.
  2. Finding your niche is the most important part about blogging. Pick a topic on your fiercely passionate list.

Namasté 🙏🏼

5 Important Life Lessons

The Lion King has been my #1, top, ultimate favorite movie since it was released June 14, 1994! It’s infused with wonderful and valuable life lessons. The soundtrack is angelic. I love everything about this movie!

Here’s 5 Life Lessons the Wildlife and Safari Animals Teach Us:

  1. Even in the animals kingdoms, the moms care for the young before sunrise.
  2. Being brave doesn’t omit the feeling of fear.
  3. Everything is connected to everything else, all reliant on others to do their part.
  4. Running from responsibilities only delays the inevitable.
  5. Family is those who teach you about love, Hakuna Matata!

Photo Credit Attached

10 Positive Things

This is a challenge by Bipolar Whispers. She’s asked us to list ten things we love about ourselves that’s not related to mental health.

Once the list has been completed, she’s asked us to link the post back to her original post.

I’m adding an addition piece by tagging 3 bloggers that I don’t know well, to participate if so desires.

10 Things I Love About Me

1. I accept individuals where they are in life.

2. I laugh at dry humor.

3. I love to learn.

4. I’m not attached to “possessions”.

5. I can grow of plants from seeds.

6. My cooking isn’t too bad.

7. I understand children well.

8. I teach my girls to be strong and independent.

9. My heart is so giving.

10. I am proud of my photography.

I would love to learn more about

Ellie @searchingforme7

Elly @theselfhelpful

Life with the breeze @lifewthebreeze

Creative Writing Generators

Sometimes, writing prompts still don’t spark my creative flow. As badly as I want to produce something so amazing, it just doesn’t happen.

I’ve found that, when given different story elements, such as a setting, main character, and atmosphere… Or a group of random 6-8 words, my writings take me an exciting adventure.

So, all that to say, here’s some useful tools should you feel stuck at any point.

  • Random Word Generator

  • Grab Bag Writing Prompts

    Plot Generator

    Writing Plot Generator (one of my favorites to use)

    Another Writing Prompt Generator

    A huge mix different story element generators

    I hope these help.

    Namastè 🙏🏼

    One Word Sunday: Simplicity

    Evelyn’s job required her to travel. In the hustle and chaos of packing, unpacking, checking in and out, the airport times and airplane tight seating, her anxiety was a frequent companion. She’s gotten better with managing it all, thanks to Dr Hopkin’s prescription.

    Occasionally, though, she’d be due to land in an area such as Pabneukirchen, Austria. Such a place was wonderfully welcoming, with it’s townspeople kind and friendly. The rolling hills and slow placed living helped Evelyn calm her spirit. She always yearned for the reminder of life’s simplicity. Her breathing returned to normal; and, she felt such relief.

    Photo Credit Attached

    This was formulated for Debbie Symth’s One Word Sunday.

    Julia’s Story Part 1: Truth of the Matter

    StoryTime

    ” The sun will always shine and the moon will always glow, she said while staring into the distance. He smiled as he put his hand on her shoulder. As she turns around, he says

    ” Julia, dear, I have something I need to tell you.” His face went flushed, as if he was just hit with the flu.

    “Roger, what is it? You look as if you’ve just seen a ghost.” Julia t responded.

    “Come, sit next to me.”

    “Roger, what on earth is the matter?” Julia said in utmost concern.

    ” I don’t know how to tell you this; I really didn’t know how to accept it myself. ” He added.

    ” Well, whatever it is, I’m certain we can get through it together!” She reassred Roger.

    ” But you see,” He began,” it won’t be us being through this?”

    ” Whatever do you mean? You’re not making any sense Roger. We have been through so much, and…”

    ” Julia, I realize I’m gay!!” He interjected.

    She just stared at him, not sure what to say. Blinking in complete shock, she turned around to watch the moon.

    Her mind started with questions, how did she not know? How did she miss the signs, after 25 years? Was he seeing someone else? How did he realize he was gay?

    ” I’m so speech… ROGER!!!” She screamed.

    While wrapped up in her thoughts about this latest discovery, Roger suffered a sever heart attack.

    ” ROGER! ROGER, WAKE UP!!” She wailed

    By this point, closer bys had called the ambulance. The ems were now there, attempting CPR.

    With no avail, they apologized to Julia for her loss.

    ” I can’t believe this,” Julia settled onto the cement wall, ” I would rather have had him alive and with a partner, than to not have him at all.”

    As the moon continued to rise, she continued to cry…

    Laura’s Weekly Song Challenge: Week #16

    Here’s the fun weekly song challenge Laura put’s together. You don’t want to miss out, check it out:D

    Song with Blue in the title or lyrics

    Eiffel 65- Blue

    Song that has the word color in the title or lyrics

    True Colors- Cyndi Lauper

    A song with a color included in the title of the song or band name

    Men in Black- Will Smith

    Kristina, what songs would you choose?

    Sunday In Cleveland

    Perfect afternoon:

    Weather is warm, but cool. The sun feels fantastic! There’s not a cloud in the sky.

    I’m by myself, able to sleep and watch tv, window shop and relax without much stress.

    The park is busy but not so much where I couldn’t find a place to sit. The city skyline is amazing.

    I’m in such peace. I’m so thankful!

    Word of the Day Challenge: Substitute

    Standing in front of the mirror,

    She decided it’s time for change,

    Toxic will be removed,

    Thoughts rearranged.

    She said with full confidence,

    As she reviewed her reflection,

    The labels are coming off,

    No more self rejection.

    No more body shaming,

    No more self sabotage

    No unnecessary blaming.

    She made a declaration,

    To substitute the hurt with good.

    To live a more honest life.

    As she always knew she should.

    Photo Credit Pinterest

    This is formulated for The Word of the Day Challenge. You can read more about it here.

    Accepting What Is

    I don’t know how. I don’t know why.

    A situation, such as this, requires one thing… acceptance.

    We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve just had to accept the truth. Sometimes, the truth is difficult. Sometimes, the truth is positive and we struggle to believe it.

    Why do you struggle with accepting?

    Insecurity? Rejection? Disowning? Fear? Bitterness? Anger? Abuse?

    When we face the “why”, we can heal apart of ourselves. Healing can open new doors; and, create opportunities for beautiful beginnings.

    Here’s to Love

    Here’s to love..

    In all it’s purity.

    In all of it’s unity.

    In all of it’s healing.

    In all of it’s togetherness.

    In all of it’s endurance.

    In all of it’s work.

    In all of it’s challenges.

    Here’s to love,

    In all of it’s unique design.

    In it’s magical moments.

    In it’s hope and trust.

    In it’s acceptance.

    In all of it’s glory.

    In all of it’s forgiveness.

    In all of it’s patience.

    In all of it’s happiness.

    In all of it’s laughter.

    In all of it’s truth.

    The element that sustains life,

    The only element that lives beyond life,

    The beginning, rebirth, and cause of all that is good.

    Here’s to Love…

    May we all expierence it.

    Evergreen- Westlife

    Pre-Pride Disclaimer

    So, June is Pride Month! Speaking for myself, my sexuality is and always has been “not straight”! It doesn’t matter which it is, that’s not anyone’s business but mine.

    Humans feel this need to judge what we don’t understand. (Oddly, the government is the least we judge but rather trust, and we don’t understand… Topic for another day.) My blog is a “safe place.” It’s for everyone. There won’t be any passive aggressive shit or fighting going on.

    I am proud of who I am. I have been this way since I was born. I didn’t wake up one day, or expierence something (some idiotic theory’s going around that the majority of homosexuals have been sexually assaulted or abused, which caused a transformation.) that just “turned me” this way.

    To all of you who question that, let me say this… it’s OUR life… our reality!! We had to accept this socially unacceptable life… as our truth. We had to step out knowingly how rejected and condemned we’ll be, and begin to live our true selves. If you think we CHOSE this life, as difficult as it is, then you really don’t understand.

    My profile will support MY IDENTITY during pride month. If you don’t feel mature enough to “appreciate our differences” , then I invite you to unfollow me now.

    Special Friday Follow

    Pimp Text - PimpText.com

    🎼 Ms. Lisa Mona 🎼

    She’s only recently started following me; but, her blog radiates positivity, creativity, curiosity, and genuinely personality! Everyone, please take a minute and drop a comment and/or visit her page ⭐️ Seems, according to her blog history, she’s fairly new here on WordPress.

    My Mental Health Journey 15: Remembering Dave

    Tomorrow is the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month. My hopes is that, despite the end calendar time frame, we’d all continue bring awareness to this life changing and ever growing illness. My hope is that we’d continue to encourage, support, and check on one another.. Simply because we can.

    On this last day of May, I wanted to write about the man who made suicide very real to me. I want to write about him because he was human… And he had some amazing qualities. I love him, and he deserves to be remembered.

    Dave was born in January of 1978, birthday two days after our daughter’s. He was half black and white… But, to friends, he was teased about looking Hispanic. He was the second born, had an older brother, younger brother and sister.

    I was born in 1985; therefore, I was several grades below him in school. There was enough years between us where I really didn’t see him much. His family didn’t have much. Dave was always working a second or third job for what he and his family needed. At a very young age, he began caring for someone else… And in the process, he stopped caring about himself. Taking care of others became his life, his identity… That’s where the mistake happened.

    Fast forward a few fifteen years later, I had left my first husband for a woman I was madly in love with! It was the first time I pursued such feelings; and, I was crazy about her. Less then four months later, she pushed me out the door. She wasn’t good enough for me stuff was what she used for reasoning. Few years later, Deja vue. I’m married and have my daughter… She tells me she had cancer and six months to live.

    When you’re trapped between a rock and a hard place, no decision seems right… Because someone gets hurt. I was content with my life, for the most part. I didn’t want her to pass away and have regrets. I chewed at this idea for three months!! I loved Dave… I was still in love with her.

    Dave’s emotional state began to fall ill. He wasn’t eating much. He was having racist issues and false accusations issues at work. His liver was also beginning to fail. He was rough and jaundice. He started picking up on natural signs of me being in love with her, though, of course it wasn’t my intention to do so. Once, when I thought things between she and I weren’t going to work, he said he was about to take a handful of pills (Benadryl was really all we had that could cause major damage.)

    July came, and she and I signed the lease for our apartment. Little did I know, Dave was making life thereafter arrangements. I question my character sometimes, if I should have done more… if I should have stayed… if I should have called one of his friends.

    The cops showed up at my house, just within an hour of me putting all the pieces together. I was frozen almost, unable to do anything… almost paralyzed. Most people go into extreme hysteria in a situation like this… wailing and rushing to arms… collapsing or passing out… nope… I was as if just told he got a speeding ticket. My 18 month old needed me to keep my shit together. In the days to follow, Dave’s brother and friends blamed me. I was dubbed a “psycho murderer”… but everyone looks for someone to blame.

    Despite his tragic passing, he was a great man. He worked hard! He loves old cars, Rolls Royce and those huge Station Wagons. He loved the Mountaineers, NCIS (Zivah Da(veed) (⬅️ pronunciation) was a main character. We named our daughter after her.), and beer. He was super giving, and the first to lend a helping hand. He loved his hometown, Bradford, PA.. And wanted to move back there. He wanted to be an Aviation pilot. He absolutely loved country music, spaghetti sauce made with green peppers, and fishing. He was so smart about nature and wildlife. There was so much I loved about him… And our Zivah added so much to our lives.

    I get angry about his death because I hurt. He was a great guy. Provided what he could, worked so hard, never stopped trying to improve life for us.

    I’ll always miss my friend.

    Over 300 LGBT couples tie the knot as Taiwan legalizes same-sex weddings ‹ Nigeria News | Laila’s Blog ‹ Reader — WordPress.com

    #lovewins❤️💙🧡💜💖💛💚

    Over 300 LGBT couples tie the knot as Taiwan legalizes same-sex weddings ‹ Nigeria News | Laila’s Blog ‹ Reader — WordPress.com
    — Read on wordpress.com/read/blogs/139940492/posts/133976

    Thursday Thoughts


    Thankful Thursday List:

    1. Flowers
    2. Rain
    3. Coffee
    4. Blogging
    5. Incense
    6. Music
    7. Laughter
    8. Chocolate
    9. Hot water
    10. Baby wipes

    Sending a special shoutout to my latest personal blog followers<3 I have some new business blog followers, as well.

    1. Shain Writer
    2. John Acex Poetry
    3. Life with the Breeze
    4. Carmen
    5. @davidbredpath061117
    6. Wine and Spirits
    7. Steven Plummer
    8. Nindakishore
    9. Magellanic
    10. Gareth Roberts
    11. Happy Tonic
    12. LiDea
    13. @gracesmithluv772
    14. Amanda Greenwood Group
    15. Peculiar
    16. Rhack Writes

    The Dawn has Come

    I’ve been through some crap. I’m hella certainly not going to devalue it, for ANY reasons!

    Testing my sanity, yesterday was an emotional war!!

    But, I wept.. and the morning came!

    In 9 days, 18 families lost loved ones to an evil addiction.

    Morning didn’t come for those 18 overdose victims. Mourning came to the brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers.

    You see, this is my “time of healing” and ” silver lining ” that I knew was coming!

    No it’s NOT the death of human life… it’s the LIFE of MY LOVED ONES 🧡💚 God KNOWS my Boyfriend’s son makes me nuts, but he’s important to me! My boyfriend can drive me crazy. My girls push my buttons… But you know what, none of them are out fighting such a monstrous evil!

    When you WANT to see POSITIVE and HEALING… When that’s your intention, you WILL 💖

    8 Overdose Deaths Over Memorial Day Weekend – Cleveland, OH – At least 18 overdose deaths have occurred since May 20, according to the Cuyahoga County Medical Examiner’s Office.
    — Read on patch.com/ohio/cleveland/8-overdose-deaths-over-memorial-day-weekend-cuyahoga-county

    What Quantum Science Reveals About Your Life’s Destiny

    Science defines how much control we have over our lives and realities.

    How to be more in control of your life and health using principles based on the discoveries of quantum
    science.
    — Read on www.flourishtogether.com/self/what-quantum-science-reveals-about-your-lifes-destiny.html

    Word of the Day Challenge: Delicious

    This is created for The Word of the Day Challenge.

    I’m not one to try exotic new foods, more in fear of how my body will react to it. When I have something that I LOVE, however; such as fresh fruit, or a Duncan Donuts Strawberry Banana Smoothie, I savor every last morsal! Haha, isn’t that how we all should do every bit to life, though? The delicious taste of life is such sweetness. It should be lived in all it’s luscious, colorful, and delightful glory. That’s my opinion.

    Trapped – Human Performance Psychology

    Fabulous blog post & excellent therapeutic blog site 🌅🧡

    When people come to therapy, they’re often consumed by an almost-visible string of old injuries – a hypercritical parent, a missed opportunity, a horrible breakup. And, when I point out to them that they’ve got some past pain stuck on their shoe, their reaction is almost universally the same: “I’ve been trying to understand why…
    — Read on humanperformancepsychology.com/2019/04/13/trapped/

    Nova’s Wise Words Wednesdays

    Sometimes, you have to stop being so much to everyone else, because you’re being so little to yourself.

    ~ Nova

    The greatest gift you can give to this world is authenticity.

    ~ Nova

    Deeply rooted in the heart of every successful woman, is every couldn’t that she did!

    ~ Nova

    ABC’S 2 Me

    Always looking out for my own,

    Addicted to coffee.

    Building a better future,

    Bathing in promising light.

    Challenging myself to grown,

    Changing with every storm.

    Doing my best, mothering.

    Detaching the toxicity.

    Elevating my girls’ confidence.

    Empowering beautiful souls.

    Finding ways to “pay it forward.”

    Filtering the negative from my blood.

    Giving of my time,

    Grieving the burdens of others.

    Holding on to hope,

    Helping animals survive.

    Including self time into my agenda.

    Igniting positivity into social media.

    Jamming to new music.

    Juggling roles in life.

    Keeping an identity.

    Kicking myself for bad parenting.

    Loving others as I know how.

    Lingering in moments of joy.

    Making my mark on this earth.

    Molding memories into my heart.

    Needing a best friend.

    Nearing a crying melt down.

    Operating on a coffee diet.

    Opened to meeting new people.

    Pursuing a great job.

    Promising myself a lot more.

    Questioning loyalty of family.

    Quoting the experts in success.

    Rocking the infamous mom bun.

    Removing the sources of stress.

    Seeking a balanced happiness.

    Seeing beauty in everything.

    Treating myself to chocolate.

    Telling the world my story.

    Unwilling to fold under pressure.

    Unabashed by my beliefs.

    Willing to admit I’m wrong.

    Walking this life alone.

    X amining my behavior.

    X ING out the chaos.

    Yielding to life’s warnings.

    Yearing for a stress free vacation.

    Zesting my life with spice,

    Zipping this to an end 🦋🙏🏼

    Stress

    Over the years I’ve learned that fighting can be resolved. I’ve learned that disagreements can result in a compromise. More importantly, I’ve learned that communication is a process of voicing thoughts and needs, actively listening to thoughts and needs of others, and all parties respecting these of everyone! When someone feels 1. Heard and 2. Respected, things can go along way.

    The other major lesson I learned is gaslighting is a waist of time. I used to include this in my arguments, simply to try and make myself feel better and the other individual feel guilty. Manipulating minds is the game… though, I didn’t understand it as such then. Now, I’m more confident in my decisions and understanding of behavior and my mind, that manipulation from others just p***es me off.

    Right now, I’m in a position of just that. I’m sitting here in disbelief that I’m trying to be the responsible adult, taking care of the tasks that need accomplished before I end up in a worse situation. The others involved are pissed because they don’t understand (why the hell do humans do that? ) … they don’t need the money like I do. They can leisurely take trips. That’s wonderful that they can. I never said otherwise.

    What I’m saying is if my car dies before I can make enough, I’m screwed!

    But, obviously that’s fucked up thinking!

    So be it.