Every year, on THE day, we turn a year older. It’s a blessing, a gift, to open our eyes and see another day… Every day! As busy as we get, wrapped up in deadlines, meetings, obligations, and stuff… I hope you remember to stop your clock… And just be.. It’s my Birthday Wish🎂🍰!
Life is such a rollercoaster. It’s even more so when you’re hormonal, sleep deprived, an Empath, and HSP. Right now, I feel so much that I feel like I’m going crazy. My sadness outweighs everything else, and I don’t want to be anywhere but home… Where it’s safe.
In this case, safe would be where I am free from judgment, hurt, emotional pain, strain on my heart because of imperfect humanness, and loneliness. Didn’t know when this year started, that my life would feel like a torturous game of “escape room”, but sometimes, it does.
For now, I’m going to nestle myself into my home. I’m laying off stressing myself about finances, outside responsibilities, events, socializing, housework , and pain. Monday is my birthday, and I deserve one day exactly how I’d like it to go.
When all is said and done, I’ve made it through every trial this far. I must be doing alright.
As I was growing up, my sinuses never bothered me. Saline solution is a simple combination of salt and water. My tears handled the cleansing my face needed.
When I became a Sophomore in college, the tears weren’t as often…. because I became a bit more rebellious. One particular day, I was doing a pose in my yoga class. I had my left hand flat on the floor, tucked behind my left ankle. My right hand was completely horizontal with my left, and I was facing the ceiling. Out of no where, my temperature jumped super high and the room started spinning. It was the craziest feeling ever. I was freaking out.
After many years, I learned is it a condition called vertigo. There’s different types, and some can be corrected with surgery. I fortunately simply take prescribed Meclizine, and I’m feeling steady on my feet again.
Because of this sensitivity, I had to quit burning most candles. This really made me upset, because candles were one of my favorite parts of my self-care plan. I had them lit while in a hot bubble bath, in the evening while watching tv. They were my opened door to spiritual healing.
It wasn’t until three years ago, a decade later, that I discovered incense. A guy I knew had it burning at his house, and it wasn’t inflamming my sinuses!! I actually realized I preferred it over candles.
I’ve been an addicted fool ever since!
My favorite scents are by Essential Essences!!!
I had lost thirteen pounds in two weeks. I was rudely awakened by the general consensus regarding others and my need to talk (they didn’t hear me!). I was isolated from a support system, most friends, professional help, and usually the general public. My anxiety astronomically skyrocketed because there was too much unknown. Not only that but there was absolutely NO consistency! I had terrible stomach pains, didn’t sleep much, drank entirely too much coffee…. and made myself feel crazy while “waiting”. The one ray of hope I THOUGHT I had, …. turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing. This was the life I had chosen for myself, a life most would’ve abandoned way sooner.
I’m not in that particular “time” any longer, though the aftermath lingers. Being single feels super lonely. I just invested 14 months submitting to a dominant… Now, if you’re not familiar with this lifestyle, please Google it. Needless to say, the submission is completely voluntary because in return, her needs (both in and outside the bedroom) are met. That’s how it’s “suppose” to happen.
Being single means alone… Sleeping, out to eat, nights, weekends, Netflix and Chill, every minute. Sure it’s healthy to be content with being alone. It’s necessary for such time, as well. Trust me, I understand that. There were too many instances over this time when I felt I should’ve had my boyfriend and I didn’t. He wasn’t there to hold me when I didn’t feel good. He wasn’t there to give me a hug when life felt too overwhelming. He wasn’t there to talk and work out our confrontations. He just wasn’t present.
With all of that being said, this was and is the man who’s had the greatest place in my heart. I looked for hope with us. I looked for change, for improvement. I felt that if I saw growth, we were headed in the right direction.
What direction was that?… And this is the error in this whole mess… The direction towards future tense picture of us. He and I were always talking about what we can do now to get to where we want to be. Now, that sounds like what a serious couple should be doing right? That’s something most couples do, and it should be a good sign… But, here’s the problem… Our current life wasn’t how we wanted it, so our goals were rather short term… We were working on this together… Hell, I thought we were even good as to being on the same page! This picture of us was constantly front and center! It’s how we always did it.
The beginning of this year, all that I knew life to be for him and I stopped… Abruptly…
And I wasn’t ready.
With the humidity here in Cleveland, I’ve lived on salads, sandwiches, and finger refrigerator foods. It’s awesome to know it’s healthy, and my body appreciates the sentiment. It’s just calories make me feel a bit more me and much less like Dracula! 😂😂😂 (Insert any Snickers commercial here..) This evening, I managed to bake chicken breasts covered with ranch dressing and Italian breadcrumbs! It was AMAZING!! The meat was super moist and loaded with flavor! I made Spanish Rice and a small veggies and cheese combo side! Collectively, everything complimented one another and was delicious! My girls weren’t interested in having any so I even got to enjoy it HOT!!
“Yay for happiness on a plate😂😂😂😂”
This day couldn’t have ended fast enough. Some days will be like that, and I’ll really find it difficult to see what made/makes me happy.
My favorite place on earth💜 Today is absolutely perfect. It’s not hot. It’s not humid. It’s not over populated. No kids to keep on track. Not a cloud in the sky, and it’s breezy!! This is my heaven 😍
So much yummy cheese=) Minions=)
Post It Notes=)
Sunflowers=) Autumn leaves=)
I’m not made for this world.
I feel too deeply,
I see what you hide.
I know what you’ve kept secret
And I hear what’s unsaid.
Situations do not chain me,
To my past and imperfect mistakes,
I’m never a victim of circumstance,
But, the decider of my fate.
This life has never been easy,
I’ve lost to know my strength,
I’ve fallen just to rise again,
And certainly handle my own.
My thoughts go beyond the surface,
Of what society understands,
My mind can see the bigger picture
The road map of active lives, impacting
Everything and everyone he or she touches.
I am a strong and independent woman.
I have flaws of my very own.
I know my truths, it’s how I live…
I am one of a kind.
#borntowin #madeforthis #areyoureadyforsomeonelikeme
I have this body, and I live this human form. I eat to keep others happy, and I sleep as well as I can. I do my best to obey the laws, keep bills paid, and provide for my beautiful daughters. I manage appointments, find necessary recourses, prepare meals, and try to have relationships with others. All who exist do the same things, to a degree. As a species, this is how I live, how others see me.
They are the outside, looking in. Continue reading “To Be Free 🕊”
Summer is all about fun time, ice cream and lots of water play… But, keeping kids’ minds stimulated helps transition them back into the routine for the next school year! My local libraries have a reading program called Summer Lit Club. There’s prizes that will be available for the participants who have read the most books! One morning, like 2 am, I signed me and my girls up! (Haha probably shouldn’t do anything at 2 am… Bc it leads to momma doing stuff like this😂😂).Anyway, here’s a list of apps in the Apple store that will keep your kids on top with imagination, word vocabulary growth, and entertainment. The most AWESOME part: 😍😍😍😍IT’S ALL FREE😍😍😍😍
These insects fascinate me! They’re capable of producing light… More effective than a light bulb! I just looked across the street, after a bit of an exhaustive day…as my annoyance with the neighborhood fireworks quickly accelerated…And I saw the ultimate sign of summertime! When I was growing up, my 7 siblings would go outside, to the front yard… about 9:30… and we’d catch “lightening bugs” LoL. I would hope every child has this timeless adventure in his or her memory bank. Fireflies are my reason for happiness this evening.
Because some days are just SUPER difficult! Depending on how I choose to handle things, some days are overwhelmingly too much. Every tasks feels like it requires twice the effort. Every little incident feels as if the world is over. Every friend feels as if abandoned me, and every interaction with another human makes me wish I could run and hide. Some days, my nap is why I am happy. It eases the life stresses temporarily, while restoring strength to my body, soul, and mind. Naps allow me to escape what I feel and return with better preparedness to properly handle life. Today, one of those hellish days, I’m happy because I get to sleep!
When I can’t find the right words, music never fails. Two days ago, I was listening to Linkin Park. The song, Numb, played and I couldn’t believe how it spoke to me. I’d heard it so many times before; but, this was as if I’d heard it for the first time. Does that ever happen to you? Do you listen to the song but don’t actually understand it until it relates to your life? I’m happy that there will always be moments like this… Music therapy is essential food for my soul.
Question: “Habit of lifting, Who joins?” – join the chat on HER – https://weareher.com/shared-post/56838
It’s something we must do: stick together, empower one another, and lift each other up.
This 100 Questions No One Ever Asks video tag is hilarious and fun. Try it out!
— Read on 4hatsandfrugal.com/2014/05/100-questions-no-one-ever-asks.html
A little fun so we can get to know one another=] You can make a video, as she did, or a written blog post. Please try to remember to tag at least one person to join the fun:)
1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?
2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?
3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?
Neither. I have a made up bed and sleep on top with extra blankets on top of me.
4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?
5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?
Absolutely, but I don’t have many.
6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?
7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?
Definitely a swarm of bees.
8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?
Only in the summer time.
9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?
Usually, but not always
10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?
11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?
12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?
I have not, but I have pulled over and peed over a hill.
13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?
14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?
Maybe once or twice.
15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?
No, but I did have the habit of eating paper. I have no idea why.
16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?
That would be zero
17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?
Queen size bed.
18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?
19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?
Absolutely, they look hot in that color.
20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?
Yes, I sure do. I like The Amazing world of gum ball and Lego friends currently.
21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?
My least favorite is anything in the Alien/Zombie genre. Bores me to madness.
22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?
I’d bury my treasure beside a landfill. I’d think people would least suspect it to be there.
23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?
Normally, it’s coffee, milk, or water.
24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?
Ranch Dressing, or honey BBQ if from Rally’s.
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
I absolutely love chocolate!
26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?
The Lion King
Age of Adeline
27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?
My two beautiful daughters
28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?
Indeed, I was.
29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?
To be honest, I think I would.
30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?
Wow, it’s been quite some time.
31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?
I don’t know exactly how to, but I’m learning.
32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?
Nope, I’ve never gotten a speeding ticket.
33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?
This hasn’t ever happened to me either, thankfully!
34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?
Toasted bread with cucumber, cheese, tomato and mayo.
35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?
Cinnamon and brown sugar poptarts
36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?
Usually between 9:45-10:30
37. ARE YOU LAZY?
Sometimes I am, but I’m also a single mother of two young kids.
38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?
A dead bride, an M&M, I don’t remember others.
39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?
Is this different than the other astrology sign?
40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?
I can speak English, but I can interpret Spanish well.
41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?
I get tons of magazines for free, currently: Sports Illustrated, Cosmopolitan, People. magazine and a few others.
42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?
I have no idea lol.
43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?
Entirely to stubborn sometimes.
44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN?
I’m really in different about either. I think Jerry Seinfeld is hilarious.
45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?
LOL, no not really.
46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?
I’m terrified of heights.
47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?
I love singing while driving.
48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
I love singing in the shower.
49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?
I dance in my seat no matter where I am. I can’t really dance lol.
50. EVER USED A GUN?
No, but I am going to get my concealed weapons permit.
51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?
When my oldest daughter was 4 1/2 months old, which was quite sometime ago.
52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY?
53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?
Yes, Christmas, Thanksgiving, most big events in life.
54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?
I have, and I love them.
55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?
Super chilled banana cream pie with vanilla crust. Yummy!
56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
Archivist, teacher, mommy
57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?
Actually, I do. There’s too much unexplainable things to believe otherwise.
58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?
Not in a while, but I have before. It’s really an unusual sensation.
59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?
Haha, no. I’m sure I should be though.
60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?
No, most of the time, I’m not wearing anything on my feet.
61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE?
I do wear a blue big fluffy bath robe.
62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?
99% of the time I’m just wearing panties to bed.
63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?
Aaron Tippin is the artist I saw in my first concert experience.
64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART?
Target, all day!
65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?
I’m indifferent about either. Both are too expensive.
66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?
I’d choose Fritos with melted Velvetta cheese.
67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?
68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN?
69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?
I haven’t but I’ve wanted to for some time now. I don’t have a dance partner.
70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?
As long as he’s providing, and it’s not illegal, than no.
71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?
Yes I can.
72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?
I’m a horrible speller.
73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?
This happened just last week. I was watching a video of two ppl laughing.
74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?
I used to but not anymore.
75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?
76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE?
Daily, sometimes multiple times a day. I love incense.
77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Currently, I am.
78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?
I would love to see P!nk in concert.
79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?
Honestly, I can’t remember.
80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?
Both, depends on time of day though.
81. TEA OR COFFEE?
Always, coffee first.
82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?
83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?
I can swim well.
84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?
Yes sure can.
85. ARE YOU PATIENT?
Unfortunately, not very.
86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?
Definitely a DJ!
87. EVER WON A CONTEST?
Not that I can recall.
88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?
Definitely not and don’t plan on it.
89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?
I love green olives on pizza and black in salad.
90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?
Nope, neither… but, I can write, cook, and paint.
91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?
92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?
I’ve been married twice. I’m ok without a third try.
93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?
94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?
Too many to name. I was ridiculous.
95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?
Ummm, no… but, I do hope others would see the situation from my point of view.
96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I do, a 2.5 and 5.5 year old daughter.
97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?
I’d love to have a son.
98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Blue is my favorite color.
99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?
I miss someone very special to me right now. The pain hurts terribly.
100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS VIDEO NEXT?
I honestly don’t know. I would hope someone would read comment and/or participate.
At the end of the day,
May you feel thankful for your good moments.
May you feel blessed to have a roof , anything edible, clothing on your back and hope in your heart.
May you feel relieved “this too shall pass”, in these last 12-16 hrs has passed!
May you feel content that you aren’t perfect, but you can only do the best you can.
May your burdens rest on your bedside floor, in the wishes of God (whomever you believe or don’t believe in), to handle them.
May your children be sound asleep, and may they sleep all night through.
May they only ask for a drink half the times, and restroom 2-3.
May the moon remind you that love is beating in your heart, and it keeps your loved ones there.
May your pets not snore, your spouse snore quieter, and the bedbugs be on a permanent vacation 😉
Good Night, Blog World:)
Anyone who knows me even on a bypassing moment level, knows I am only #human when I’m #drinkingcoffee. It’s my greatest #passion. I enjoy #coffee so much, that I have a #KeurigSingleCup maker and a #BlackandDeckerDripMaker.
In addition to my multiple cups of morning sanity, my routine consists of posting on social media. That’s pretty normal, right? Most of us get up, get the #caffeineIVdrip ready, hit up the loo, then #sitandsip, while we post? Haha! What world do I live in, I know! I’m blessed to have such opportunities.
Coffee and instagram are just a few of my favorite things =)! If this is you too, this article will be a welcoming cup of #happiness, boosts in profile hashtags, views, and quite possibly followers.
https://bustle.app.link/IgfjmqWlNN 15 Shows On Netflix With Near-Perfect IMDB Scores
When the week has kicked my butt, much like this past one, an entertaining weekend of Netflix sounds like heaven. I don’t enjoy wasting that time, searching through suggestions and reading reviews in direr hopes of something sparking my curiosity!
So, if you need a mental break from life, have yourself popcorn and a soda (my older daughter uses that term! Haha, it’s hilarious because we live in Northern Ohio! No one calls pop, soda, here😂😂) ready, here’s the list of highly recommended choices:D!
Visit me and let me know your feedback on any show or movie:)
There’s been lots of talk about suicide in the recent news. When it’s a celebrity who’s passed, the subject receives a great deal of spotlight. Unfortunately, most deaths aren’t of that status… To Me, these lives matter just as much!! Did you know though, that since 1999, the rate of death by suicide has increased by 30%?! According to the National Institution of Mental Health, and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports in 2016, nearly 44,000 individuals felt death was his/her only option.
Thankfully, I’m not the only one who values us everyday citizens. This past week, while surfing through Facebook, I came across an incredibly inspiring video. The page is called Well-Rounded Life. The particular video I watched was about a coffee shop, in the Big City of Chicago. The staff addresses every individual as “friend”. The conversations are that of mental heath issues, and the customers receive guidance as to where to seek help, as well as listening from someone who genuinely cares. This coffee shop isn’t licensed in any form of professional mental health services; however, that doesn’t stop them from extending grace to those who are hiding the invisible scars.
I was deeply touched by this story, as I’ve lost a loved one to suicide. I find that a gesture such as this, is the small change in the lives of many, that will begin a positive rippling affect. My hope is that others in the United States, where 123 suicides occur on a daily bases, will follow this incredible example of restored humanity. It doesn’t take a degree to listen. We aren’t expected to receive a college education to give time to an individual who’s hurting. Kindness costs absolutely nothing, but it makes a world of difference.
For the Sip of Hope Coffee Bar, change is happening one cup at a time! That my friends, sounds like a sweet freshly brewed cup of awesomeness to me!
#WATWB (We are the World Blogfest) entry ☕️☕️
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https://bustle.app.link/ACfPKcNPFN When Bae Tells You They Finished All The Coffee
Someone… anyone telling me they finished the coffee! Haha! Look out😂😂😂😂
“This wasn’t what she wanted at all. She knew for months but only accepted it today, as she was about to start her day. Instead, she packed her bags…’
As her mix of emotions streamed her chocolate smooth cheeks. For ten years now, she’s been in a marriage with a narcissist.
Zella couldn’t have known, when she met Brice, what was to come. They had met online, through an online dating app, Chocolate Love.
He was everything she ever dreamed. Towering her at 6” 7’, he had seductive brown eyes, a clean cut sophisticated groom, and Cologne that could hypnotize any heart. His profile identified him as a successful Stock Trader from WallStreet. He was raised in the hood-rat streets of South Chicago, with his seven sisters and four brothers.
As she continued packing, Zella thought back to their first date. She and Brice communicated,via CL, for a few weeks before he asked her out.
* It’s OK to not be OK.
* I’m thankful for moment of true clarity and insight.
* Always check alcohol content percentage of wine before purchasing.
* Sex trafficking is a f***ed up way to live!
* I don’t want to be alone tonight; but, I’ll make sure my daughters never feel lonely.
*Being their mother is the best gift I’ve ever been given.
* Decluttering feels awesome.
* Time changes everything, and life must go on.
* I’m proud of myself for putting a stop to someone’s disrespect.
* I hope I’m in better spirits tomorrow. Being an empath, I laughed until I cried this morning, and tonight…. Grief is all too familiar.
Good Night Readers.
I hope you had a wonderful day.
https://bustle.app.link/8XQV11cnDN A New Report Shows How Much The Rate Of Death By Suicide Has Risen In The U.S.
This unfortunate, gruesome, heart-throbbing, and instantaneously devastating event occurs: my heart breaks. I have the dark black massive scary monsterous cloud shadow me..
I’ve been in a position in life, with suicidal tendencies. I chose to LIVE!
For countless others, living didn’t seem worth it. 💔 SINCE the day I began my life, (years after birth, but too private and painful to elaborate on.) I’ve met many people who have attempted it… And failed. They were men…
In 2014, just barely a shy of a week post my birthday, suicide killed apart of me.. Taking a man who I needed, but more importantly, OUR daughter needed.
To blame in this situation is pointless, but oh there’s lots of that. It’s easier, focusing on the anger that takes place in the grieving stages. What’s REALLY the root of our anger though? Their “selfishness”? Our “selfishness” because we no longer have them and our lives are no longer comfortable? Their lack of “effort to seek help”? Our “lack of effort” in giving our time to listen and enjoy them? I don’t think there’s ever one reason… And really, none of them will change what’s happened.
At my husband’s funeral, I was in a trance. My eyes hurt, my anxiety was off the charts… and what did I have? A toddler, a dead husband, and a hate fan club with 1500 members and growing. Blaming me for his death, many who knew my husband judged me. It felt horrific. I needed loved. I needed empathy. I needed to feel I was going to be ok.
I had to recover on my own. No one could do it for me, no matter what was or wasn’t said unsaid did or not done. It was MY life… my mental health. I was a mother. She needed to see life was still ok. She needed her childhood, her innocence.
Depression and anxiety, loss and grief, pain and emotions are almost forbidden in “most” men at a very early age. It’s not manly to cry.. it’s a sign of weakness. The military trains the mind to break, and rebuild with a sense of inhumanity…. War… PTSD Veterans come home and try their damndest to return to normality. And they struggle… and struggle… some with homelessness… and hunger… and no financial stability… with flashbacks that rob them of sleep… and anxiety attacks that mutilate their sense of peace…
Single men have no health insurance, many with child support bills, and jobs that don’t pay shit. That’s reality for some men in America… that’s terrible!
The statistics in this article aren’t shocking if we sit and think about the set up of this country. They’re not shocking if we sit and consider every mass shooting in our lifetime. Mental health is a serious issue in this country. Duh, we see it (if we choose too)…
Writing up articles are bringing the little voices in our hearts to front and center, ruffling feathers of comfort for those who look the other way….
BUT, …. what does it solve? Is that not the goal, to bring awareness and take action? The Dr in this particular article was spot on. I admired his blunt honesty. He said empathize! He said we need to communicate with each other and listen to what’s being said. Sometimes, individuals just want to know they’re not invisible, left with a mountain of shit on their backs to carry for all of eternity.
It’s time my friends, to make change to our world. We’re killing each other and we’re killing ourselves. We’re killing innocent children, who rely on us for protection. We’re killing the hope in humanity, and the beauty of living. It’s time for you and me to stop that … to decide today, that we’re not going to contribute any longer to the insanity whirlwind that’s taken so many of our loved ones. It’s time we choose to Love again!! Open your heart to someone… break the chains weighing you down by entrusting someone with your burdens… because I can promise you, you won’t be a burden to them. And to others, Open your heart to listen… and to hug someone. They NEED human contact! They’re carrying around too much… you just may save their life!!
I have a blog, entitled Lost & Found, Written precisely about this subject. It’s carrying my heart of when my husband died. I hope all I’ve written helps you… and that
EACH of YOU know I’m here…. if you need someone to talk to.
With Much Much Love,
I’m not here to knock dollar stores, because I happen to love them — but the selection can be hit-or-miss, and sometimes the quality is less than ideal. Luckily, for anyone on a budget, there are other options. Amazon is loaded with products that cos…
— Read on www.bustle.com/p/75-genius-products-you-can-get-on-amazon-for-under-5-8033925
Finding exactly the product that makes life alittle easier feels like winning the lottery sometimes! Here are several that may feel just like that:)
Live your Dreams!
What dreams do I have? Have I ever really thought about this? No, I don’t think often, if much at all. Sure, I’ve made goals… but, are those dreams? They’ve been short-term. New Years resolutions is probably a more accurate description. The long-term goals, any of those? Not many of those until recently, as a matter of fact. Is this sad? I don’t know. So, I guess I don’t quite understand the feeling of “living my dream”.
I do know I hadn’t been raised with such a virtue. Often times, I thought about life after “The Merryman House”… and gasped at how utterly fucked-up and irresponsibility unprepared I was going to be. There were many concepts and nightmares I know I didn’t want to continue. I knew I had a great deal of fear of failure… so much so that I simply didn’t try. Disappointing my parents, myself, and trying to breathe through the aftermath wasn’t my cup of tea… and that aura feasted on that house.
So, what is it to “dream”, really? Is this the ideal life you’d want in a certain amount of time? Is it a career or position in a job you absolutely love? The perfect family? A big house with wrap-around porch, spiral staircase, country atmosphere, southern welcome, white picket fence aligned with gorgeous Hydrangea bushes, Daffodils, Azaleas, and moonlight blooms? Does one live rather than sit in hesitation, losing time, opportunities, and experiences?
When you live your dreams, no one can tell you you’re wrong or right because they’re yours. As early in life as possible, you are allowed to decide what your dreams are, how you wish and/or if you wish to fulfill them. In my beliefs, the biggest importance, though, is to remain respectful of others. Our dreams are as differently beautiful as we are from one another. Who are we to ever criticize and condemn what one wishes for his/her life. Will life turn out as according to plan? Will we all stumble and fall? Will we fail and hurt our confidence? We sure will… but, aren’t we all worth a third, fourth, twenty-second try? Won’t we all be in a similar position at some point in time, if not we have been already.
It’s never too early to begin dreaming, planning how you’d like your life to be. It’s never out of your reach, that life. You’re never unworthy of your heart’s desires. You’re also perfectly capable of achieving them. Along your journey, I hope to have encouraged you, to lift up another… because we simply can’t live without one another.
Siblings found chained in backyard in 2016 celebrate adoption
— Read on www.cleveland19.com/story/38358804/siblings-found-chained-in-backyard-in-2016-celebrate-adoption
There’s many a story with gut-wrenching endings at our access. This one, however, turned quite glorious! My four siblings and I were adopted, at young ages. We grew up trying to understand and accept what we couldn’t control. I still struggle with abandonment issues; but, I’m hopeful. These children are smiling despite their adversity. My heart smiles at the thought of their futures with their new family😍😍
Effective Communication is an art in modern day society. We hear tons of “talk” ;but, what do we hear? Do we hear anything? I have always wanted to teach a class in communication so others learned what I have , thus bettering all of us. I feel this article to be incredibly insightful! It talks about the different Subareas and describes them in detail. To be a leader, we must first be students… to be a leader, we must know how to actively communicate 💕
I admire these two for doing what they feel is best. They have a beautiful love and admiration for the late Princess Diana. She seems to have a very present influence on their decisions. I absolutely love that.
❤️ Let that sink in, for a minute.
You don’t know when it’s “your time”.
In fact, you started dying just moments after you were born. Every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year up till, “now”, was always “right now”… You didn’t see it as “yesterday”, because you don’t live in it. You don’t see it as tomorrow because you don’t live there either. You are right now… And so, what will you do with this “now”? It’s all you have. Never two measurements of time can be lived twice… And one moment of time will end every next “now”…. Your life is right now…. Dear ones, it’s all you will absolutely have… Make it count.
Miss Zivah enjoying Memorial Day
#yourquote #growingup #moonchildnova #discoveringourselves #acceptingothers
#MindYourNose #DearRelatives #YourQuoteAndMine #MemorialDayWeekend
Collaborating with YourQuote
Finish the Story:
” I felt lost but also didn’t want to be found.” she wrote in her journal. She, then, closed the book and looked up
and glanced at the framed picture of herself, with Max, she had hung on the wall. Four years has passed since that horrific July night; but, Laura felt every minute of it as if it were just yesterday. What if she had paid a bit closer attention? What if she had picked up that call when he tried reaching her? What if she made a little more time being in the moments that she spent with her best friend. Would she have heard his pain? Would she have seen the truth in his eyes and behind his constant radiant smile?
L = Listening to understand
Learning to compromise
Letting your guard down
Loading up days with commitment
O = Offering emotional, physical, and
Opening your heart to be vulnerable and real.
Occupying yourself alone when boo is busy.
Optimizing the strengths of one another.
V = Visiting mistakes to learn and change.
Vacating behavior that jeopardizes solidarity.
Verbalizing your thoughts feelings and emotions.
Visualizing future plans with this individual
E = Encouraging one another to be your best selves.
Ending arguments with a hug and kiss
Engaging in mature conflict and resolution practice
Envisioning a life that’s best for the one your with
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
💭World of Difference
I believe the sequence of events in my life has lead me to right where I am. The right decisions, the poor choices, hard consequences, every small victory, broken relationship, and road block. My past, well equipped with both successful and failed moments, is how I am here today.
…. No matter what, I’d never change any of it if it were possible!…
HOWEVER,…. My power gifted by God himself, is that of choice. Maybe I couldn’t decide, at 5, whether or not my mother would die. At 13, I wasn’t able to decide for myself how I needed to handle the family turmoil I was experiencing.
In those moments, though, God was trying to teach me… Listen Brandy. There are reasons why these things are happening. Listen my child, I’m trying to show you, listen, so you understand my heart… And my love for you.
Now that I’m old enough to decide much more for myself, I realize the lesson I didn’t hear before. Listening, especially in situations of which we can’t control… In situations of which we don’t get to decide, is what we must do… So we understand!
Let me explain further. Today, I live my relationship where I’ve chosen to walk a long, rocky, lonely, uncertain road…where fear can easily swallow me up and steal my sense of sanity. It’s my choice to face this situation because this LOVE is worth it. I’ve chosen this path because He’s who I’ve been searching for all my life. I get to decide if I cry in fear, rant in rage, or laugh when I see him.
While I can’t change how long this goes on, when he visits, what details I am told, In all the moments when “I can’t”…. I sit… And I listen… To understand. Those moments, in silence, is when I hear his heart… His love.. His love for me and his intentions… I hear his wisdom. I hear his pain.. I accept his imperfections and beautiful flaws. I allow another life to impact mine… I give this gift of time… and I demonstrate that He’s valued… what he tells me is important and I understand him. Through listening, I silence all my selfish thoughts about myself, and I redirect my focus to him. I intentionally focus on what he’s saying or not saying, doing and not doing, so I better understand him… because he matters… and I want him to know he matters to me.
Because I have accepted I don’t always get to control every aspect of my life, I’ve been blessed by the gifts of others. I’ve been blessed with moments of divine wisdom from others teachings. I’ve been able to deepen relationships, strength my appreciation of adversity and embrace the beauty of Difference. I’ve been able to laugh from the soul, cry with relief, and provide encouragement when needed.
With that being said, my point is this, I’d never change anything that lead me to right now… But, I’d teach others to quietly sit, with a desired sense to authentically and openingly listen… To ourselves.. To God… To nature…to others… The birds, wind, children laughing… Everything….
There’s so much more to this world…. There’s so many more in this world… Than ourselves. When we truly embrace that, we become a better version of ourselves without even realizing it. If we all began with bettering ourselves, as ironically as it sounds, we better life for everyone else…
When the day is done, momma, and you just collapse from it all; it’s ok.
You’ve just spent another 24 hours feeding, changing, chasing, teaching, loving, leading little lives down the road of May 16, 2018.
God knows it takes mighty strength to do it again and again. Up early, preparing meals, arranging appointments, day care, and extra attention when littles are sick. Only you momma are capable of all this requires.
The nurturing spirit, the arms around your neck. When your babies smile at you, or they snuggle next to you, as you settle in before bed. Those are the moments you’ll remember.
So sob if you need too, soak in a bubble bath. Grab your delicious favorite wine… let out the biggest sigh as you sit down… even for just a few minutes, … do what you need to do… do it for you…
because you kicked ass again today momma, and it’s ok to feel otherwise too!
Happy Mother’s Day Darling! It’s so incomprehensible that I am older than you were when you passed away. It’s not fair. I’ve needed you dozens upon dozens of time over the last five years… But, life isn’t fair.
Though you’re not here, I feel you live through me. I am your only daughter with children of her own. Zivah was born 5 years ago, and she’s named after you. Calandra was born 2 years ago, and she’s compassionate beyond a normal person.
Many times I question if I’m doing this Mothering right. I question if I’m too strict. I question if I’m too Lenient. I worry every second that I’m not allowing them to simply be children. Am I robbing them of their childhood? All these questions answered, the reassurance that I’m doing a good job, a tight hug simply because that mends all wounds would surely feel incredible.
I’m sorry you’re not here momma. I’m sorry that someone wasn’t paying attention and hit you. I’m sorry if you felt any pain… or if you feared dying. I’m sorry if you felt alone and lonely… I know you often felt similar feelings with 5 young kids.
Momma, I wish I could squeeze you and tell you thank you. Thank you for trying. Thank you for not aborting my siblings or me. Thank you for loving me enough to give me up. Thank you for giving me a unique spelling of my name, and for doing the same to my siblings. I’d say Thank you for doing the very best you could with what you had, where you were.
I would look at you and say I know you wanted to give up. I know you wanted to escape to the bathroom and just sob, because I’ve felt just that. I would tell you I love you so much because mothering two little kids is a challenge, I can’t begin to imagine five hungry babies with wet diapers. You are my hero.
This Mother’s Day, I want you to know that I admire, love, and am so proud of you momma. Despite every challenge you faced, you kept going… and despite your decision to move to VA, and what your intentions were, you believed we children deserved more.
Momma, you understood sacrifice… and that’s what motherhood is all about. Please watch over my sanity momma, I tend to lose it once in a while. Please watch over my babies, your gorgeous granddaughters, I ache for them to know you. I love you endlessly momma, and you are my hero always!
Your Beloved Daughter
His heart was racing, at least a million times per second. His entire body felt like it was covered with a six foot layer of cement. As he reached out to grab ahold of something, anything, his hands flapped wildly. There wasn’t anything to touch. There wasn’t anywhere. He struggled to breathe, anxiety and the unknown stole his ability to calm his mild.
Every wild Friday night in the country, by the river… Drinking Hennessy and playing to close to the fire.. Every fight he had with his stepfather, about the abuse his mother took, every cigarette break, in the ally behind the tavern. All the moment he screamed from his surpassed anger, inflamed rage, and vulnerable broken heart flashed before his eyes.
” What on earth is this nonsense?”, he asked himself. ” How did I get here, and where am I going?.”
“This fall has to stop eventually”, he continued, ” but when and where?”
Everest was a strong and resilient young man. He had just celebrated his 25th birthday a few days ago, and that’s the last thing he remembered.