” One important note to remember is thatyour emotions are not facts. Your emotions are entirely valid- meaning that they are neverrightorwrong. But, they are not always based on realistic or rational thoughts. ”
There’s no questions or need to thank me. I also don’t require you to nominate others, although I think it would be a kind gesture. 🙂
Award #2 is the Out -of -this -World Blogger Award: this award is to recognize the bloggers that you feel go above and beyond in writing, as a person, with their niche, in whatever way. This individual is usually a regular poster, and assists others.
1. The very first recipient of this award is Sadje, @ Keep It Alive. She’s been one of my ultimate supporters since my early early days. I appreciate you more than you’ll ever realize lady.
2. The second incredible blogger deserving of this award is John, @ The Eclectic Contrarian. He’s consistently coated my posts with love, support, and laughs. He’s checked in on me and has been wonderful.
💖💚💖💚Congratulations Bloggers 💚💖💚💖
There’s no questions or need to thank me. I also don’t require you to nominate others, although I think it would be a kind gesture. 🙂
That’s it for now. Keep an eye out, few more are coming!! Thanks for being awesome y’all!
When I interact with others, positive actions extend positive vibes.
When I interact with others, who extend negative vibes, I’m tempted to react with the same. That’s one of my defense mechanisms, obtained simply by being human.
Being mindful of my thoughts,
Negative vibes are a reflection of an individual’s struggle. The struggle could be the heat or some deeper matter. The struggle severity is irrelevant, the outcome is the same.
When I respond to someone’s negative vibes, what struggles am I projecting? What right do I have to add more distaste to their plate? Make their life more unpleasant, as if they needed to feel what it’s like to be walking my path?
They are not I; I am not them. We both are doing our best to take care of some task at hand. Any inconvenience I have isn’t the fault of an individual who happens to cross my path, at the moment…
Likewise, as we both are trying to take care of the track at hand, any inconvenience he/she has isn’t my fault.
There’s no actions I can control but my own, remember.
Should I respond in a positive note, it may change the course of the individual’s day.
It may attract more positive vibes to his/her life.
Having done something kind, the extension of positivity is a reflection of my true self.. Rather than my circumstances.
Extending good vibes, provides a moment of relief to the individual… And maybe he/she really needs that.
Extending positivity is unusual, and will be a moment he/she will remember, quite possibly challenging him/her to do the same.
I am more than my struggles.
I am more than what’s happening to me at the moment.
I am more than what others see, when I’m in public.
I’m the one responsible for what I exert into the universe,
Weight, whether physical, mental, or spiritual, can become damagingly heavy. If not handled with care, the damage will spread to every other part of the body.
I was on the phone with a friend, a few days ago, and he said, ” You sound better, like as if you attended a funeral of a loved one who is no longer seriously suffering. It’s a sound of relief.” What an epiphany. I am relieved.
Depression is an illness in and of itself. There’s so much that it encompasses that; sometimes, it’s difficult to differentiate between it and the toxicity of another person (particularly one who’s active in our lives!).
Over and over, I gave chances. Lots of people, like me, do. There does come a point, though, that we say enough. It’s the point when there’s nothing left to give. It’s the point when the whole idea just feels painful. It’s the point when everything said sounds like a personal attack. INFJs are such giving people. They give entirely too many changes.
When I’m done, I’m done. The chapter had ended. The door has been closed, locked, and sealed. The weight has come off. Those who love you, would try their best to prevent you from feeling so weighed down…
So, June is Pride Month! Speaking for myself, my sexuality is and always has been “not straight”! It doesn’t matter which it is, that’s not anyone’s business but mine.
Humans feel this need to judge what we don’t understand. (Oddly, the government is the least we judge but rather trust, and we don’t understand… Topic for another day.) My blog is a “safe place.” It’s for everyone. There won’t be any passive aggressive shit or fighting going on.
I am proud of who I am. I have been this way since I was born. I didn’t wake up one day, or expierence something (some idiotic theory’s going around that the majority of homosexuals have been sexually assaulted or abused, which caused a transformation.) that just “turned me” this way.
To all of you who question that, let me say this… it’s OUR life… our reality!! We had to accept this socially unacceptable life… as our truth. We had to step out knowingly how rejected and condemned we’ll be, and begin to live our true selves. If you think we CHOSE this life, as difficult as it is, then you really don’t understand.
My profile will support MY IDENTITY during pride month. If you don’t feel mature enough to “appreciate our differences” , then I invite you to unfollow me now.
I’ve been on both sides of this coin. I’ve earned my place to speak on the subject… And I’ve been given my right to speak up about the hellish nightmare it creates.
For those in pain, like David was, I understand you want the pain to stop… But, it won’t until you choose to live through, heal, and past it. Like David, you have access to a hotline… Individuals who WILL listen. You have access to complete strangers here, who DO care! You have access to legalized Weed in the event of unbearable physical pain. There’s resources available.
But, what’s not going to happen is your pain stopping if you choose to take your life! Let me repeat that, your pain WILL NOT stop just because you choose to take your life… It won’t. Accept it… Face it… Repeat it… Do whatever necessary for you to get it… Your pain, this immense pain and grief that you feel… That’s haunting you and robbing you of sleep… That’s stealing your joy and happiness… That’s sucking the life out of you… That pain… Will just be placed on the shoulders of those you leave behind… You’re choosing to throw the batton at them… When they’re even not in the race. You’re handing over your pain, expecting them to breathe and smile… And live and work and parent and be… When you weren’t responsible enough to do that.
I was 28… with an 18month old baby. He wasn’t thinking about OUR daughter… or the HELP THAT IS AVAILABLE! He overdosed… abandoning My Zivah! Suicide IS selfish! It doesn’t stop the dead’s pain but passes it on to the Living!…
If you hurt this much, do something about it! There’s options for you. No one else can make you, and no one else can change you… No one else can decide this for you, and no one else should….
He abandoned his daughter! Every single day I’m excessively protective Of MY ZIVAH… and I couldn’t even keep this away from her. See the “survivors guilt” and “hurt pain and suffering”…. It’s hell. Don’t do this to those you say you love… Because suicide solves NOTHING!!!!
We focus so much on our pain…. particularly, pain that others have caused us. We grow bitter and jaded. We build walls, shut people out, sulk in our misery. We want someone to blame, for destroying a valuable piece of ourselves. We get angry that someone mistreated us, took advantage of our good nature, and disrespected our beliefs and values. We torture ourselves with what ifs, should haves, and constant replay. We lose sleep. We quit eating. We drink until our livers are thrown up. Some people destroy everything that represents that time… Others punish the person of blame.
We keep the pain alive, through fear… And distance… Self harm, isolation, darkened rooms. The pain is an endless cycle of insanity…
Pain is an ugly thing. Underneath it… Is love that’s been hurt. I don’t care who says what, we ALL know how to love… And pain is what makes us human.
It’s truth to life… Pain caused by other people…
What about pain we cause ourselves?
Sayyy wwhhhaaaa????? 😱😱😱😱
Yes! What about the pain we cause to ourselves.
Pain in the tolerance? The intimidating silence? The submission due to fear. Pain in the denial. Pain in the illusion of what we want rather than what is. We create our own pain in replays and reminding, reminiscing, and rewinding. We create our pain in the excuses for their behavior, and the lack of worth we feel for ourselves.
It’s not a single person’s responsibility, nor should it be anyone else’s top priority to heal us… It’s that of the individual in the glass. It’s OUR responsibility to learn. It’s our power to grow and change. It’s our worth that’s being TLC… It’s our hearts that need the things we are expecting from others??? It’s our purpose to live the best versions of ourselves.
Stop being angry. Stop expecting the empty voids in your life to be filled with stuff and other people. Stop expecting people to fill those voids, when you are the only one who can mend the wounds. You deserve it.. You are so special… So wonderful. You deserve the world, and a lifetime of abundant blessings.
But, until you heal yourself… You will be the toxicity that you try to repel of others.
If you could ask God to bless me with this specifically, I’d appreciate it: For a stronger heart, to provide what I can to him, that will best help in his healing and rediscovery, at the right and best time. That’s my desire as well.
I would love to pass a blog post, as if a journal, around. For the person tagged, I’d like you to just introduce yourself and tell us from what STATE/COUNTRY you reside. I’d like you to write something interesting about where you live once you’ve identified that. Then you can add a couple of your own details, if you’d like.
Each person who is tagged, please tag someone at the end of your post, and create a pingback to this post
Most of all,
Have Fun! 💖💚🌼
The honor of being our first stop on the traveling journal is Mrs. Kristian W
If a post is a personal story, informational about a topic I’m interested in, fictional, humorous, music related, short in length, or labeled with a really catchy title, I’ll end up reading it in it’s entirety.
Otherwise, and I may have missed an additional exception or two, I will skim through and catch the main ideas, so I can comment and leave support.
If that offends you, please unfollow me now.
Now that those lose feathers have been shaken off, allow me to explain.
I PROMISE you, I WANT to read every single word of every single post every single one of you have, and will write!!
Truth be told, I can’t. Number one, I don’t have the time. My two babies keep me busy. I’m a mother first, before anything else.
Number two, if I did so, I wouldn’t have a blog of my own. I wouldn’t have time to write. I love writing, and I’m loving interacting with all of you, as well.
Number three, my brain is so easily overwelmed that I can’t read a whole lot at once. When I worked at Bob Evens (hey that’s something you all didn’t know about me!), my biggest challenge was keeping up with the menu because of the amount of information I had to learn in such a short time. It was seasonally changing, too!
And number four, I am a multitasker. Every moment of my life, literally, I am doing at least 2 things. I have to. It’s just a must for my life.
I’ve recently had a follower take offense to this, and that hurt me. I’m one of the most supportive bloggers I know.. And that’s regardless of every factor other than we are all trying to accomplish the same goal… Write good material. This blogger wasn’t satisfied with my amount of effort and dismissed me completely.
Personally, I feel if you have such high levels of your followers, the intention of writing needs evaluated. I also prefer you don’t follow me in the first place…
We all do what we humanly can, and we’re our own worst critics. We don’t need expectations like read every post I write word for word, comment every single time, like and share it, on top of our own self sabotage.
I wanted to take a few minutes and jot down a few notes.
I’ve spent two days alone now; and, I’ve allowed a constant flow of emotions. No regrets or shame, no prolonged sadness. I’ve let the thoughts come and be, then released them out into the universe.
Recently, I found an image on Pinterest that really spoke to me.
It’s deep. I realized that before, like the last four weeks, things were falling apart. Ha! It’s more like a tornado came through.
But they’ll come together again, because that’s life. That’s how life happens. In the last week, ideas and dots have been connected. Some things have become clearer, and other things have been removed from priorities.
Life isn’t a race, to focus on the finish line (death? Really?), and go…
The race is a journey, at whatever pace best suits you and your current situation… And that pace will change. The journey is the combination of ups and downs, when life comes together and falls apart… And comes together again.
Without the balance… Up with down, good with the difficult… Hard with the easy… Life wouldn’t be…
I realized something about myself, this morning. I’ve NEVER been in the “immediate” circle of someone who’s had major health issues or experienced a long drawn out suffering death. I’ve had family members die; but, I’m not close to them. I didn’t see any of the “hard” stuff.
I don’t know how to handle what I’m in. I don’t know what to think about it. I know what I have to accept; and, I’m trying my hardest. I know that there’s a possibility that this individual will improve. Right now, that improvement is slow. Every day that passes, I feel like I lived another week.
I’m expecting myself to adapt to this change; and, I’m waiting for this situation to become my new normal. It doesn’t feel like a “good” or “bad” thing, but something that might actually feel easier.
Last night, I thought about conversation. I thought about friendship and support. I thought about what needs said and what I need to hear to feel better. Is that selfish? I don’t know, maybe! Right now, I don’t care. I know that I’m hurting and it sucks.
In my situation, I feel like such comments like ” He’s lucky to have you. You’ve been here for him since the beginning. ” And.” I am so proud of you for handling this so well. It’s tough but so are you.” Would sound so nice in this situation…. Where I feel worthlessly helpless. ” Support” is defined (well my definition) as uplifting, active listening to, and emotionally being available for someone. A goal in supporting a friend to make sure they don’t feel alone in the situation. It’s hearing this individual so you understand (to the best of your ability) them. It’s conversing with them about what their thoughts are, how they’re doing, and what ways can you help. I don’t think that’s selfish to want. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard parallel stories of others lives when I needed a friend to talk to.
Ok, that’s exhaustingly deep for my low caffeine and sleep levels. Please keep me and mine in prayer. Thank you!
When I was a little girl, I thought like a little girl. I acted like a little girl. I was treated as A. Little. Girl…. I was being raised by a single mom, who had 4 other children and no help. She did what she could, but understandably, it was too much. She moved to Virginia. We kids were placed in the system.
My siblings and I were taken in by this couple, who couldn’t have children. At that time, I didn’t know the underlying secrets of that fact. Soon after we were rerooted to this new life, still unsettled mind you, they got pregnant. Not once but twice. In two years, this couple went from no children to eight.
None of us felt our lives made sense. I did what was expected of me, and yet us “older kids” were raised differently than the younger ones. I noticed it, early on..I was in elementary school when I “knew” the insanity of our departure from that house was going to be dramatic and ugly. The saddest part was my inability to do anything to prevent it.
As we grew, I was reprimanded and disciplined. Much like a dictatorship, there was no other way. I had no voice. I had no options, opinions, or alternatives. That’s exactly how things were operated. I had zero opportunity to express what I felt. There wasn’t even a system to teach me what any of it was or how to regulate it. They didn’t allow such individuality.
As I got older, my numerical number increased, but my maturity didn’t. I didn’t experience that part of life which establishes and nourishes maturity! Why wasn’t I close to my parents? Why weren’t they introducing me to new concepts? Why weren’t they encouraging me to try?? Why didn’t they understand that criticism wasn’t a successful way to develop confidence while learning a skill. I was condemned for not cooking, as if I had no initiative.
I didn’t feel comfortable with trying to learn to cook. I didn’t feel comfortable being around my mother. I had absolutely no self confidence or desire to be alone with her, in the kitchen. The essential skills that we learn in the preteen years, I didn’t know. The life skills I needed by 21, I didn’t have until 5 years ago.
During my young adolescent years, I was emotionally abused because she resented me. I was abused because of the issues she carried. I was abused by a woman who didn’t love me… nor did she want me. She didn’t even like me. She didn’t like any of us 4 older kids… because we weren’t her own. She never said as much… but, actions speak so loud… and hers were a hell of a ton louder than the bullshit that escaped her mouth.
I saw this resentment so clearly, when everyone in the family worked so hard to keep hidden. It angered me. It hurt me. Year after year, the same lie continued. It just took on more of a recognizable shape. When I was in middle school, eighth grade, this darkness became verbal/emotional abuse. I suffered because two adults made a choice to adopt. I suffered because a grown woman chose not to face her own demons. She spent years lying to me about who she was. She spent years lying to herself.
They still have that dog that they shouldn’t have had in the first place.
[I get up and visit the bathroom. Wash hands at the kitchen sink. Walk to the fridge and gulp down a few mouthfuls of milk. Get back in bed.]
Why didn’t I take my anxiety medicine?
I need to pick up toilet paper, milk, and sugar tomorrow.
When is my boyfriend coming to see me next?
I hope the girls sleep in, in the morning.
I have to fill the gas tank before getting Zivah to school tomorrow.
Calandra’s birthday is next week, what am I going to get her?
[ I get up grab my phone. Pull up Shopkicks, and click shop online. Search through Walmart.com, Target.com, and Amazon.com for the things I think she’d like.]That’s really cute!
That is to, but it’d be all over the house.
Nope, that has entirely to many little parts.
Oh that’s good, she loves stuffed animals.
There we go, that will work!
I should look for phone cases while I’m on here.
Oh my God, I’m not paying $28 for a case.
I need to go to the bank tomorrow.
I’m so proud of myself for this financial improvement in my life.
When I get enough saved, I’m moving closer to him because this side of town sucks, and I want to live in a nice area. The closer distance would be wonderful with him.
I’m so proud of him. He’s such an amazing guy, with very little that stops him.
Let’s get in the app and look for apartments.
What about Zivah in school, will I need to change schools again?
She needs stability, I need to be conscientious of that and move at the appropriate time.
I don’t want her life the stops and starts like mine has been.
In the new place, I defiantly want a porch or patio. I want to get the girls a cute picnic table and chair set. At Marc’s, I’ll get a rocking chair for me. Yeah, the girls will fight who should be in it.
What the hell, that base in that car was so loud. Anyone around here have a sense of consideration anymore?
Great, now I’m hungry.
I don’t feel like getting up.
I really need to eat, I’ll just get some milk.
OK, finally, the noise finally stopped… I can go back to sleep.
The tabs open and close faster than I can blink. Being me, I’m always on to the next thing, then the next, and next. My girls’ needs are top priority, but they have their demands. Everything, though, is up to me. I have a ginormous list to accomplish. It’s this life that many don’t understand… That I’m one human being, two hands, that fulfills all, each and every task, that gets done for 3 people. I don’t have time for petty adjustments, Gaslighting immaturity, and inconsiderate people. That, and yes I just opened Pandora’s Box, is another topic for another post.
My name is Brandy, and I’m an ugly son of a bitch when I’m at ” that point”. Today was horrible and I currently hate myself for how today went. How easy it is to say ” love yourself, be graceful and forgiving.” Actually feeling that right now, I’m not capable of.
I overreact with my boyfriend. I probably messed up his birthday 😦 Yeah, see I really suck sometimes. I didn’t take the realization of a misunderstanding very well. The blow hurt, not that it was the intention. It wasn’t. On to the next blow, and the snowball just tumbled.
From there, I didn’t eat today. I didn’t take my antidepressants, and it’s woman time!!! GUUUHHHH, all of it is stacked against me.
Tonight, it’s a sick and overtly tired 3 year old and spicy banana pepper pizza, watching the blind auditions of The Voice and keeping to myself.
I can’t STAND the person I am at this moment. I think it’s best if I just try to keep to myself. In this mindset, my mind immediately went to ” I have no one who loves me.”” Everyone who’s ever met me isn’t any longer a friend,”” I must be a real bitch.” On and on.
Surely none of those are truth. Pain lied to me… It builds on the situation until the whole small issue, the initial issue seems like all of my existence sucks.
It’s crazy how connected I am with the vibes around me. I literally just went from 0 to 100% on the pissed off scale. Not a good state of mind at midnight. I’ve been super emotional and not sure how to get a reign on it. Anyway, shortly after, these messages showed up in my life. Thankfully, my heart thrives best because I notice when I’m being spoken to. Though, the second is hard to do, it’s a comfort to feel my thoughts acknowledged.
And lives with every sense amplified to it’s strongest range… (HSP)
LIFE can be overwhelming, sometimes. It was for me, January 24th, 2019 I looked him in the eyes and “knew” before I knew details. My intuition speaks volumes above what most humans hear. I knew we needed to stay in that date night. I knew I wanted and needed alone time with him. I know I didn’t want to “share his time” with anyone that night (and if we were out, that would include complete strangers.)
The following Monday, he was hospitalized with a medical condition we’d been monitoring. Without so much as “I’m being transported to Mayo Clinic.” In the 3rd day in, I went from knowing this change was coming, to finally hearing the specific details. He needed to do what was best for him, and I needed to support that.
I’d been in situations before, where he’s be gone for a month or so… But, it wasn’t rarely due to a medical condition. He requested this transfer, and it was one of THE BEST facilities for him in the country.
We kept in touch over this past several weeks. He grew stronger and remained so patient with me (haha bc I’m quite a handful when I go hysteric!) and his doctors. He spent time progressively, always working towards being someone better.
In the meantime, I was here, coping the best way I knew how… In silent prayer, battling my mind, mothering and nurturing my, and finally myself.
This past weekend, I sat in my bubble bath spa music resonating, and I felt myself “just be!”… Only to find out my Darlin is coming home today.
People cope the very best they can. It’s not our place to be angry because they aren’t satisfying our desire to communicate. It’s not right for us to judge them in their silence, for we don’t know what they’re dealing with… Strength sometimes is only enough to get out of bed and do the very minimum.
I’ve achieved a few more goals this past month. God’s blessed me with a man that has taught me more than he’ll ever know. I feel at peace right now. He and I did this Together. We got through this challenge together. I’m so damn proud of him!! I’m equally proud of myself.
” There’s no growth in comfort zones; therefore, we should embrace the pain and accept the challenges. “
If you haven’t watched this show, you’re missing out on more than just entertainment. This past season, Season 3 Episode 10-11 are full of valuable lessons.
The 1st that speaks the loudest to me is ” Never miss the opportunity to say what needs said. “ These conversations are passport tickets to forgiveness. There’s freedom in acknowledging them, and facing what they contain. Our truth is the only way to live. Every other way is, in some way shape or form, denying ourselves what we deserve. It’s denying ourselves the lives we were meant to have.
The 2nd lesson I hear is that ” love means to listen.” Listening is active, present tense. When someone shares with you, it’s a gift that you must cherish. Time can’t be given a second time. Time is in constant forward motion…. We should use the time to make the most of it AND create within it, the love this world needs.
In this episode, Jack straight-up refused to listen to his brother, after the war incident. That refusal Jack carried to his grave. That sorrow and guilt, his regret and PTSD Nick continues to carry. Nick needed to tell Jack what happened. He needed the acceptance and forgiveness from his brother. Love means to actively listen to someone; you never know what that can do to someone.
In the coming months, I will be accepting this challenge, and writing “letters”, saying what I’ve been needing to say. As my followers, you are, by default, welcome to read. I need them read, and maybe not necessarily to whom they are written. They will be password protected because I want a controlled audience. If you would like to read, simply message me for the password.
This is a writing prompt that was created by Lettrs. It is to write a Valentine’s Day letter to yourself. It was an uplifting and wonderful experience. It reminded me of countless reasons to feel proud and love for myself. This is a challenge I hope each of you accept. Write the words you desperately need to hear. Write the words of Love that you deserve to hear. You deserve healing, and I believe focusing on yourself in this aspect will be a wonderful thing.
Please forgive the messy conditions of my home. The holidays recovery has only just begun! You may find a remote sitting in my refrigerator, an apple under a bed. You might step in something sticky and witness an unfortunate spill. The pieces to the ice cream cart will be scattered throughout the apartment, and kids will be screaming at one another. The floor will be an obstacles course and the kids might come running through the room. It’s the way it is; it’s the life of a mom. I’ve so much gratitude for the best reason anything should look imperfect.
Written for Fandango’s One Word Challenge: forgive
Gretchen is like so many others, above and beyond what’s asked of her, selflessly giving, dedicated worker, loyal to work and family. She managed, though, to trip into some sticky situations with a monster of a spouse, and a greedy employer.
We’ve been in situations that have been sticky, haven’t we? Our choices have gotten us in a bit of a mess, but hindsight is 20/20. Her instance was rather serious. She needed to act fast, and finally put herself first… To protect her life! Are you in that position? Are you holding on to something that’s destroying you, your happiness, and your family? What will it take for you to let go of it, despite your unhealthy reliance and fear of the detachment? I would hope you’d look in the mirror and give yourself the awesome peptalk you deserve.
Adventure awaits, a new and prosperous life awaits, real love awaits, positive friendships and healthy connections await, a better you awaits, all that you’ve dreamed of awaits… You just have to take courage and stepped out the door.
I hear music all the time. Songs from generations ago, and stuff that’s on the radio today. I’ve heard such a vast mix of genres, artists, and types of music.
It’s been my diary, my best friend, my voice, and my blanket of safety. Anytime I needed healing, I replied on music to work it’s magic… And it ALWAYS prevailed.
But, as years passed, and Ive grown from a child to a young adult… And a young and inexperienced foolish newly wed, to this wise and refined concept of beauty, I’ve listened to old familiar songs and heard them for a very first time.
Lately, as if something greater is drawing me nearer, I’ve become obsessed with one particular song.
The artist’s voice caught my attention. The beat of the song is fast paced, and almost angelic.
But, what does Kyrie mean? What was the inspiration for this moment in my life, when a song steals my attention as if trying to tell me something.