Mental Health & Suicide

I’ve been on both sides of this coin. I’ve earned my place to speak on the subject… And I’ve been given my right to speak up about the hellish nightmare it creates.

For those in pain, like David was, I understand you want the pain to stop… But, it won’t until you choose to live through, heal, and past it. Like David, you have access to a hotline… Individuals who WILL listen. You have access to complete strangers here, who DO care! You have access to legalized Weed in the event of unbearable physical pain. There’s resources available.

But, what’s not going to happen is your pain stopping if you choose to take your life! Let me repeat that, your pain WILL NOT stop just because you choose to take your life… It won’t. Accept it… Face it… Repeat it… Do whatever necessary for you to get it… Your pain, this immense pain and grief that you feel… That’s haunting you and robbing you of sleep… That’s stealing your joy and happiness… That’s sucking the life out of you… That pain… Will just be placed on the shoulders of those you leave behind… You’re choosing to throw the batton at them… When they’re even not in the race. You’re handing over your pain, expecting them to breathe and smile… And live and work and parent and be… When you weren’t responsible enough to do that.

I was 28… with an 18month old baby. He wasn’t thinking about OUR daughter… or the HELP THAT IS AVAILABLE! He overdosed… abandoning My Zivah! Suicide IS selfish! It doesn’t stop the dead’s pain but passes it on to the Living!…

If you hurt this much, do something about it! There’s options for you. No one else can make you, and no one else can change you… No one else can decide this for you, and no one else should….








He abandoned his daughter! Every single day I’m excessively protective Of MY ZIVAH… and I couldn’t even keep this away from her. See the “survivors guilt” and “hurt pain and suffering”…. It’s hell. Don’t do this to those you say you love… Because suicide solves NOTHING!!!!

34 thoughts on “Mental Health & Suicide

  1. The thing is, being in suicidal mode is nothing like reality. I have been there many times. It’s a state so different from reality and so impossible to see through, that one of the reasons we give ourselves, is to rid the world of ourselves. There is this immense and overwhelming feeling of no feelings, a 100% disconnect. In my case, it was a failed childhood dynamic where I never learned how to state my case and negotiate my stance. A lifetime of that had most people dismiss what I was trying to get across. I was the nicest and most generous person, because it was the only way to be liked or to get attention. I’m very sorry to hear about David and the transfer of his weight on to others. I was always puzzled by why they sent me home from the psych ward after I explained that my kid was no longer an obstacle to ending it. I suspect it came down to me not being able to state my case in such a way that even a psychiatric male nurse would be able to spot that as a red flag. His attitude was more like “oh come on you loser, pull yourself together,” and literally looked at me with disgust. It took two police officers half my age to snap me out of it last week by slamming my forehead, unintentionally, into the ground, a night in detention and a week at the psych hospital to get things moving. Denmark is finally getting it right about these manipulative relationships. If one half of the relationship is highly demanding and the other highly compliant and un-motivated beyond what it used to be, it may be an indicator of a core issue. For me, it was always like a spiritual suffocation, like being strangled by the world really. Years of rejection and neglect became too much to bear. I feared for some years that my brain would just turn itself off and I would die, or end up for life on heavy medication, stuck in a cloud as a vegetable, never being heard, yet knowing there was a chance. That was an underlying factor and the fact that I met my narc ex at the bar, and two days later I’m drunk again and boom, straight to hell. There is a dire need in this world to discuss tool kits for us who have been heavily manipulated, so that we can connect with life and people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Self Care counteracts all the lies that munipulation, hate, hurt, and that disconnect throw at us! It’s why I do heavily advocate. Our minds are powerful places, but so are our hearts. We must first decide we are worth love, and secondly CONSTANTLY give it to ourselves. If one died because of Mental Illness, they needed stronger long… More Love for self. No one else can or should ever come before self… Not physically, emotionally, mentally.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This is indeed a great point. I turned the masculinity pride over 180 degrees, by stating that responsibility is the core masculine trait and leadership trait. If I can’t do it myself, I delegate to someone better, hence taking full ownership. Those others are the good mental health caretakers finally on my case. It’s scary, and kind of emasculating to soften up after all these years of going hard to survive. Even rocks break when they fall to the ground. “Constantly” indeed, it’s a 24/7 thing over here. Like, be hard on connecting with the soft side. Having that said, there is no gender difference here, it’s all the same hurricane. Men are surprised women don’t get proper help and the same goes for women being surprised we get dealt the same hand. Gender privilege is equal in this recovery.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your article just seems to make me feel guilty for my thoughts of suicide and why I’m wrong for feeing this way. This doesn’t support me or make me fell better by telling me I’m selfish or I’m essentially a coward. My feelings are real, my experiences are real and you make them sound trivial

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t control how you feel. You felt suicidal before you even read my post… Which is exactly my point. No one invalidates or validates you and your existence but you.
      I’m not saying what you feel is invalid. What I am saying, is
      #1 Mental Health is our responsibility to take care of.
      #2 There’s many options available for those who need help. (Including individuals that care!)
      #3 The pain suicidal victims feel is passed on to The family that is left behind. Every person needs to think about that


      1. I AM one of the people left behind. My brother took his own life last year with an assault riffle. Thus the reason for my suicidal thoughts. A person feeling suicidal does not have the metal capacity to think of the ones left behind. Writing a line like “everyone needs to think about that” just shows how much you don’t understand the person with suicidal feelings.


        1. I will not argue with you. I had my husband commit suicide. I was also suicidal. Your opinion of my words doesn’t define my knowledge of it. If you don’t agree, that’s fine. You can respect me and my views, as I do yours, or you can stay off my blog.

          Liked by 1 person

      1. Hugs Nova, i wish we could have a coffee one day and talk it all out and maybe even cry together if we need to❤️


  3. Nova❤️I know the feeling, i have been there, it was long time ago, but i remember like it was yesterday, i understand you completely❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m also a suicide widow, and someone who has been on both sides of suicidal thoughts and actions. While I don’t see it as selfish most of the time, I can understand why you and others do. It certainly passed her pain and struggle on to me, our son, and our extended family.

    Being widowed is hard enough, adding suicide to the mix just makes it harder, one more layer of crap to dig through. I wish my late wife had the strength to reach out that last time, I wish your late husband did too.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Omg I had no idea you’ve been thru this, Nova! I’m so sorry this happened to you ☹️ Personally, I have had suicidal tendencies in the past. It messes with the mind and we’re brainwashed into thinking these thoughts. Yes, it’s selfish to commit suicide but for the person living with the suicidal demons in their head, it’s awful. Whenever I feel suicidal I feel like I can’t control these thoughts at all and often have the urge to cut myself. I do believe that post-partum depression can affect men just like it affects women which can lead to major depressive episodes. I also think mental health isn’t talked about as much as it should be. About Hotlines…. overheard someone today telling her friend to use one today. It’s good to know ppl do use them.

    It’s still horrible that Zivah lost her dad this way. I understand that it has put a huge strain on you and your family. Both you and Zivah are strong girls and I know you will find a way to get thru it all. Day by day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is selfish… and if they can’t see the pain of the death… that’s only been passed on… then, that’s their point of view. I’m livid that my daughter is growing up without a father… who felt his absence was better than his presence.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It probably does nothing for the pain that it his death has caused you and your daughter but he must have been hurting pretty badly himself to do something like that. Sometimes I fall into funks and think about suicide. Sometimes when you’re really depressed the world looks differently than it does to most people. Things seem hopeless. Anyways, I’m sorry for your pain.



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