My Mental Health Journey (Dear Brooke: ….)
Dear Sweet Brooke,Oh sweet child, there’s so much I want you to know, so much you need to hear. First and foremost, you’re the most courageous little lady I know! At ten, and thirteen, and eighteen.. When your body was changing, and your hormones were transforming you into this beautiful princess… You had adults treat you like the house maid. I know you didn’t have the self confidence to believe this; and, that breaks my heart. You deserved to feel loved. You deserved to feel wanted. You deserved to feel a sense of belonging. I know all the while growing up, you felt abandoned; although, you didn’t realize it then. You’re a beautiful young lady; and you are a blessing to this earth. Your mommy loved you so much, you and your four siblings. I’m a mommy of two precious girls… And I love them beyond what words could say. They’re amazing kids, with unique talents, lots of laughter, and feel loved. I made sure they never feel what you did, as a child. Your mommy did the best she could; but, she was so overwelmed and had no help. Just because she left doesn’t mean she didn’t want you. Just because she left doesn’t mean she didn’t love you. I know that doesn’t make sense to you, right now, but, trust me, you’ll understand when you’re older. Secondly, I want you to know, I’m so very proud of you! Every child needs to hear that, and I know you rarely did. I know your brain defense mechanisms have strengthen since 2005, and your memories of “good times” are very limited. You made it through middle school (without becoming a teen mom, which is thanks to Brett and Nancy… Although the issue wasn’t sexuality, as much as it was the attention that “felt good” vs the shit at home!). You were a good kid!! Sure, you made mistakes, but every kid does!! I’m sorry that your mistakes brought you shame and doubt, rather than confidence and pride. You’re capable of so much!! You’re talented and you deserved the healthy opportunities for growth and decision making. I know this ” lack there of ” costed you to much in your later years. Next, you are an incredible individual!! Your compassion isn’t like this world. Though that will break your heart, it will heal it just as much! You’re quite the irritating contradiction my dear girl! You are so curious yes, but so easily bored. You are so deep, at the same time hard to ” open”. You are so loving, and yet fiercely passionate about injustice. You hate sudden decisions but love variety. You hate small talk, but you could listen to any stranger who cares to share. You’re so impatient but give chance after chance. You’re constantly changing your mind, yet when you are solid in a decision, there’s no changing it. You’re an emotional creature, who feels everything in its greatest capacity but when you want to be petty, you do it better than the best. You are perfectly combined with every element that God specifically designed you to be. And you know what, you’re perfect just the way you are. You have to learn to accept who you are, with all the strengths and weaknesses that make you, you! And, your heart is so big, that it loves an individual for he or she is, despite the gender. AND IT’S OK 💕 You absolutely should never feel ashamed for being you! There’s not enough love in this world. If you can give yours to a man or a woman, your twice as wonderful to be with. At your age, you don’t know you’re Bisexual. Your parents won’t allow you to explore it. There’s nothing wrong with you though. Over the years, you’ll lose friends because of your truth… But, true friends don’t judge like that. Your truths about love will shine strong in your later years. There’s so much, all of this and more, you should have heard from them… I’m saying it now, because being your own biggest fan is most important in this world. Your voice matters. Your talented and worthy of Love. There’s a difference between attention from any guy and attention from the ones who deserve you. Overtime, you’ll make mistakes and get hurt… But, you’ve always kept going… Because you’re a warrior, a champion. You stumble but you’re never removed from your platform of hope, faith, and love. I love who you’ve transpired to be; and I’m ready to see where your dreams lead us.
Always your biggest fan: