The temporary pleasure of my daughters’ joy was so wonderful and welcoming, today. I made it until they were cozily comfortably tucked into bed, wrapped in their cheetah hooded blankets. The first 30 seconds I was alone, the flood came pouring down. The crying needed the exertion, to release as deeply as I could get. Until I was coughing from hypertension, and my sinuses were draining down my throat, my pain did not ease. Love is so much… and right now, it fuckin hurts me.
Sure, I’ll go on. Sure love walks hand in hand with pain… but, tonight, my pain won. I couldn’t carry it another step. I don’t expect radical transformation. I don’t want that. Things need to be as they are so they can be corrected… but, it’s not any less painful.