Four Days Since

We structure our lives around “time”. Since Jesus’ day, humans have been doing this. He says, in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season,
          
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
          
A time to be born, a time to die;
          
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
          
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
          
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
          
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
          
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
          
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
          
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
          
A time to get, and a time to lose;
          
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
          
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
          
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
          
A time to love, and a time to hate;
          
A time of war, and a time of peace.

Time… the center of all that operates, finishes, begins, and exists….

In life, there are moments, we all have expierenced: birthdays, school, losing teeth, learning to walk.

Other moments appear in most of our timelines: graduation, driving, marriage, children.

Time is the constant change, ironically the very thing we pray will

Stop when life feels wonderful…

Be forgettable when moments are uncomfortable…

Hurry when we’re eager…

Slow down when we desire….

As if we’ve ever had control of its infinite existence and fulfilling purpose.

We didn’t create life, in the terms of ” in the beginning”. We never decided how life reproduces, species adapt, animals appear. We weren’t given such control.

Considering our mortal imperfections, I am relieved such is true. Never do I wish to hold the responsibility of which all things weave together in life’s dance.

Having said that, then, I must be patient and allow it to do what’s meant for me. I must trust it, in the intentions it has, for my wellbeing. I must live it, now… Because, it doesn’t stop, and it won’t slow down. I must use it in such a way that means something, because those individuals are who we remember… Because love is the ONLY that conquered death.

I have been lost, in past memories, quite a bit the last several days. Some days logic kicked my ass with the facts. Time after time after time…. (Fill in the blank). Unfortunately, this phrase comes with a list. Sucks! They’re truths, though. I had to accept them. I had to change it.

Other days, I’m lost in reasons why I miss him. Moments of intimacy and delicious closeness. His presence was lacking. That was the number one issue.

Time is stirring all of this, showing me signs, revising my vision of myself, refueling my heart and soul… And revealing clarity in the form of wisdom. None of this can happen if I don’t be patient…

Pain is uncomfortable, but so is being mistreated and neglected. Four days later, I do feel a bit more strength. I feel growth and faith.

I’m trusting my process

Time is on my side.

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Thoughts?

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