Imperfection is a piece of our character. It’s OK to mess up. It’s OK to make mistakes, even if it hurts others or creates discomfort. Messing up is apart of nature.
I am learning to love others, despite their flaws. I’m learning to love myself from the same light. I should know how to do this already; it should be a natural reaction.
It’s not. I didn’t grow up with acceptance, not from myself… Not from my parents. I didn’t know what it felt like. Because of that, I felt I had no identity…. No voice. I didn’t grow up feeling safe enough to make mistakes, and learn. I didn’t grow up making my own choices to possibly make mistakes.
Yes, that prevented a great deal of discomfort in my parents’ lives, but it significantly hindered mine. I wasn’t prepared for the real world.
This morning, my post was about a storm. This storm was stirring in my heart; although, an individual tried to prevent it from forming.
That is a fact of the matter. He said he’s avoiding everyone because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. I’m sensitive…. And I’m his queen, he wants to hurt me LEAST of all.
Heeding to his warning, would have been the “loving” thing to do. He tried to keep pain from me. He was respectfully asking for space, so he could allow himself to feel normal again.
The loving thing to do, I didn’t do. I continued to text him. I got angry because the situation seemed to be hurt me, AGAIN. After a very brief conversation with his son, I became everything but loving.
I became selfish in how this situation was affecting me. I became angry that he seemed to be ” blah blah blah” and “bitch bitch bitch”….
Rather than seeing he’s dealing with a health issue ; which is creating additional mood swings and anxiety…. I made the conversation and the situation about me…. And who I am or am not to him. That’s my mistake.
His life is changing, uncertain if in a negative way, and he thought about my feelings from the beginning. I created the storm. Then he hurt my feelings, and I made the situation worse.
How we feel in situations that involve our loved ones, matter, but doesn’t take precidence. Their health, the situation at hand, the bigger picture, that’s what comes first. That’s how we show support and be there for someone. I failed him this time. I realize that.
Love is patient,
Love is kind…
I’m still learning.
I’m not a writer, just someone sharing her experience on overcoming childhood trauma...
An honest and raw story of survival and recovery.
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