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A Beginner at an Ending

Right now, I’m watching a Netflix Original Series , “The L Word”.

In this particular segment, Jenny, a compulsive and inspiring author, is meeting with an editor. She’s been diligently writing from the moment her character was introduced in Season 1.

Her script has finally landed in the hands of a publisher, who’s desire is to put her story out “there”. Jenny’s in tears; she celebrates out loud… In the very moment she opens the envelope of her first advancement.

The plot twist: Jenny’s story is dark. As her words formulated on paper, she relived every single haunting detail of childhood. Unfortunately, this munipulated her mind and lead her to self destruct.

The editor argues Jenny’s portraying herself as a victim, who’s encouraging young girls to cut themselves to handle the agnony.

To Jenny, as her life spins undeniably and profusely out of control, this choice… is a moment, when she feels some control of it.

The editor proclaims that despite her adversity, Jenny is here. She’s survived. Her strength has brought her to this meeting, where Jenny’s sitting with an editor, discussing a nightmare that happens to be her life.

Our lives are a tangled mix of victories and mistakes. We are individuals that have faced life that appeared completely uphill… and we doubted everything we ever thought to be true. We’ve seen questionable behavior. We’ve heard gut wrenching confessions. We’ve testified that no one else could possibly understand what “this is like!!”…

Haven’t we?….

We’ve felt like we’ve lost it… that we aren’t making sense, and that our sanity has abandoned us. We’ve felt this universe, or God has officially acted on some conspiring vendetta against us… and that for unbeknownst reasons, we MUST deserve it… where the ONLY thing that seems to make sense… and the only person that understands is the lie “pick up that razor blade”, ” go buy another 24 pack”, “you know where to find heroin.”, or ” You are just a pathetic nobody that fails at everything.”

Our hearts are strong enough to accept what’s happened to us. Professionals, religious affiliates, nature, and even children can help… do help. WILL HELP.

Our CHOICE to begin the process is how we change though. No one can force us to believe it’s possible. No one should ever hold that responsibility for our life.

Jenny survives so much ugliness, and the editor is pushing her to see it… But, it’s Jenny’s life… and it’s her perspective. When the final day ends, does she want to be seen as a victim… carrying around her past, avoiding all roads that lead to hope and transformation? Or will she choose to withdrawal the shades, push open the windows, and allow the wind to dust off the cobwebs?

You get to decide.

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