Happy Mother’s Day Darling! It’s so incomprehensible that I am older than you were when you passed away. It’s not fair. I’ve needed you dozens upon dozens of time over the last five years… But, life isn’t fair.
Though you’re not here, I feel you live through me. I am your only daughter with children of her own. Zivah was born 5 years ago, and she’s named after you. Calandra was born 2 years ago, and she’s compassionate beyond a normal person.
Many times I question if I’m doing this Mothering right. I question if I’m too strict. I question if I’m too Lenient. I worry every second that I’m not allowing them to simply be children. Am I robbing them of their childhood? All these questions answered, the reassurance that I’m doing a good job, a tight hug simply because that mends all wounds would surely feel incredible.
I’m sorry you’re not here momma. I’m sorry that someone wasn’t paying attention and hit you. I’m sorry if you felt any pain… or if you feared dying. I’m sorry if you felt alone and lonely… I know you often felt similar feelings with 5 young kids.
Momma, I wish I could squeeze you and tell you thank you. Thank you for trying. Thank you for not aborting my siblings or me. Thank you for loving me enough to give me up. Thank you for giving me a unique spelling of my name, and for doing the same to my siblings. I’d say Thank you for doing the very best you could with what you had, where you were.
I would look at you and say I know you wanted to give up. I know you wanted to escape to the bathroom and just sob, because I’ve felt just that. I would tell you I love you so much because mothering two little kids is a challenge, I can’t begin to imagine five hungry babies with wet diapers. You are my hero.
This Mother’s Day, I want you to know that I admire, love, and am so proud of you momma. Despite every challenge you faced, you kept going… and despite your decision to move to VA, and what your intentions were, you believed we children deserved more.
Momma, you understood sacrifice… and that’s what motherhood is all about. Please watch over my sanity momma, I tend to lose it once in a while. Please watch over my babies, your gorgeous granddaughters, I ache for them to know you. I love you endlessly momma, and you are my hero always!
Your Beloved Daughter